corgan

Yeah, I'm back, thought I may as well post some more spam email crap. I've got nothing else to do, and also Bek stop stalking me.

from cauzzi Kordic

That's a nice name. Is it Afaghanamanamoonistanish?

Does penis size matter? Some say yes, some say no.

Wow, that's deep. It's like "What is the meaning of life," except I don't get spam emails from christians. No, I'm not willing to accept Jesus in my life, stop asking!

countdom coxy
cupshake courues

Huh? Now he's just saying random words starting with c. I can do that! Copalo. Crowteps. Cuptore. Cakertell.

El crédito más competitivo del mercado, compruébalo

Publicidad Canalmail

What?

Si no lo ves bien haz clic aquí

Yes no low very good has click water

Makes sense.

Este verano realice su proyecto,
Cetelem se lo pone fácil

No, your mum!

Como consecuencia de su suscripción al servicio de Canalmail,
le remitimos esta oferta comercial por si resulta de su interés

STOP SPEAKING YOUR CRAZY MOON LANGUAGE

AAARRRGGGGHHHHH

it`s marilyn

Hi

Hi.

It`s marilyn again.

Who?

Will you ever contact me?

Uhh...

I made those nude pictures especially for you and I wont write to you again!

You made nude pictures for a stranger?

If you wanna see them just drop me a line at: bmarilyn28@outmaildirect.info

Her logic is undeniable. I'd better email ASAP.

Max's thoughts on App State 34, Michigan 32

What?!?

Bleh. *blows raspberry*

Leonardo DiCaprio emailed me!

Dear Max,

Holy crap, he knows my name!

I'm writing to tell you about my new environmental film, The 11th Hour.

Alright, I'm bored now. Wake me up when the email ends.

With help from over fifty of the world's most prominent thinkers and activists, including reformer Mikhail Gorbachev, physicist Stephen Hawking, and Nobel Prize winner Wangari Maathai,

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

the most powerful element of The 11th Hour is not that it portrays a planet in crisis, but that it offers hope and solutions.

Films have elements?

EARTH
FIRE
WIND
WATER
HEART

We need the message of this movie to hit as far and wide as possible.
The hope is us. Let's begin.

Thank you,
Leonardo DiCaprio
Leonardo DiCaprio

He types his name twice? It must be him!

This can't be fake, surely!

is it you? hanna here

It is me!

Do not ignore me please,
I found your email somewhere and now decided to write you.
Let me know if you do not mind. If you want I can send you some pictures of me.
I am a nice pretty girl. Don't reply to this email.
Email me direclty at dhanna9[1

But how am I supposed to get the pictures if you don't want me to reply?!?

I'm confused.

Max's thoughts on SummerSlam

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

CURSE YOU RAAPPPAAADDDDOOOOOOOOOOOO

Max's SummerSlam Preview

It's the biggest party of the summer!

(If I hear that one more time, I'm going to kill myself.)

What the hell is the theme music for SummerSlam supposed to be, anyways?

OH
WHY NOT
OH
WHY NOT
OH
WHY NOT
LOOK AT THE TACO

Something along those lines.

Yes, it is the 20th annual SummerSlam pay per view. I love the poster for this - it's so obvious that the WWE just copy-and-pasted Triple H's big head over the poster they had before, with Umaga and the Jackass crew on it.

I like SummerSlam. It's the second Pay Per View I ever ordered, after the Royal Rumble of 2002 (Maven dropkicked 'Taker out of the Rumble! Ha!). In fact, I think I've still got my VCR recording of SummerSlam '02. Shawn Michaels returned and beat Triple H, after which he got a sledgehammer in the back... the Rock lost the title to Brock Lesnar, who became (at the time) the youngest WWE champion in history (my young mark self couldn't watch that again, because I loved the Rock)... and I loved the theme music for it.

AND EVERY TIME... YOU THINK THAT YOU'VE GOT ME...
I WILL FIGHT YOU
AND I WILL PUT YOU IN THE GROUND...

A quick look at the card for SummerSlam 2002 shows that 2 of the participants are dead, 5 work/worked for TNA, one is semi-retired, one's WWE future is in doubt and one is in MMA or Japan or whatever Lesnar's doing at the moment. But enough nostalgia and badly remembered lyrics, on to the PPV.

Let's take a look and see what we've got going on here...

WWE SLUTS BATTLE ROYAL
Winner becomes #1 contender for WWE Women's Title
Michelle McCool vs. Kristal Marshall vs. Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Cherry vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Brooke vs. Layla vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James vs. Melina vs. Jillian Hall vs. Maria

That's a lot of sluts. Anyways, this will obviously be a battle of epic proportions. I'm predicting a five-star match here. Wait, no I'm not. This'll suck, duh. Let's look at the possible winners here, though. There's basically 5 women I see having a chance in this one: Michelle McCool, Victoria, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James and Melina. Even then, it's really only the last three who have a shot, because I don't see the WWE putting the Women's Title on Smackdown, where there's, what, 4 women? That wouldn't work. Beth Phoenix might be getting a bit of a push, but I love Mickie, and her heel turn on Raw (that was a heel turn, right?) indicates she might be facing Candice in the future.

Here is your winner... Kenny Dysktra's wife! (Lucky bugger.)

FINLAY vs KANE

This is one of a few throwaway matches the WWE could have put on this card. They could have had a tag title match, they could have had a second ECW match, but no, they put this on SummerSlam. I've got nothing against these two guys: Finlay's an excellent wrestler, and Kane's been a hard worker for his entire career. I just don't know if this was needed on SummerSlam. Alright, time to pick a winner. I've always seen SummerSlam as more of a mark's pay per view - kids aren't at school so they can order it, and it's advertised as more fun than OMG DEATH DEATH DEATH like, say, Unforgiven. Thus, I've gotta go with the face here.

Here is your winner... MY GAWD THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE THE BIG RED MACHINE

TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Umaga (c) vs Mr. Kennedy vs Carlito

Is there even a face in this match? I guess it's Umaga, but even then... hmm. It's tough to pick, this one. At least for me. Well, now that I think about it, not really. Kennedy's getting a push, with the whole Vince's kid angle (OMG SPOILER). I presume that, anyways. And he's not going for the title for a while, because Orton's going to win it on this PPV, then Triple H'll win it, then Kennedy will feud with Hunter. It makes sense. So, they'll give Kennedy the strap now, and then make him give it up to, say, Cody Rhodes some time in the future (I doubt that, I'm just throwing a name out there) before he faces Trips.

Here is your winner... and NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION... MISSTTERRRRRRRR KENNNNNEDDYYYY... KENNEDY...

ECW CHAMPIONSHIP
John Morrison (c) vs CM Punk

In my opinion, ECW is the best of the three shows at the moment, as strange as it sounds. At the very least, they're doing the most with the least. Only three people on the roster weren't on last week's show - Marcus Cor Von, Mike Knox, and Nunzio. Which is saying something about how damn small the ECW roster is. This is the best part. I love John Morrison - he's actually got an interesting character to go along with his terrific wrestling! And Punk is just awesome, with his ability in the ring and outside of it. I'm actually interested in how this match turns out, which is strange for me, and I'm going to downlo- I mean, acquire this pay per view simply because of this match. But who's gonna win? I don't know. I want to go with Morrison. I think he might retain, because I don't think the WWE, World Heavyweight, Intercontinental AND ECW titles will change hands on the same PPV. But I also think it's gonna be third time lucky for Punk. Tell you what, I'll flip a coin. Heads, it's Morrison, tails, it's Punk. (I'm actually doing this.)

And...

Punk wins the title.

Here is your winner... and NEW ECW CHAMPION... (the IWC collectively orgasms)... CM PUNK

REY MYSTERIO vs CHAVO GUERRERO

Eugh. In comparison to the ECW title match, which I care about, I don't give a damn AT ALL who wins this one. I just can't take Chavo seriously as a main eventer. I hated this feud before Rey's surgery, and I hate it now. Just go back to Kerwin White, Chavo. As for Rey? He's a good wrestler, and likeable, I suppose. I'm just not that interested in him. Rey's gonna win, obviously, that's a no-brainer - but I'm probably going to skip through this match when I watch it.

Here is your winner... BOOYAKAH BOOYAKAH 6-1-9

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
The Great Khali with his translator guy (c) vs Batista

Another eugh match. But the eugh this time is because it's going to be epically horrible. Honestly, the most entertaining part of this "feud" has been Khali crushing the flat basketball. That's it. Batista has had 9 - yes, NINE - unsuccessful title shots, and despite this he's getting another one. That's just bullshit. I hate Batista. I hate Khali. I hate this match. Batista's going to win, because the dirtsheets said so (Batista's gonna win, and if Khali can put on a good enough match he'll get a stipulation match rematch at Unforgiven). Stupid Smackdown main event scene.

Here is your winner... and NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... BALDTITSTA

TRIPLE H vs KING BOOKER

I like the fact that with Hunter's booking powers, he's put this as the second match on the list at the WWE.com SummerSlam site, above all of the matches I've already written about. That's what you get when you fuck the boss's daughter, I guess. Look, I don't care about this, either. I don't like Triple H, particularly. I like Booker, but his matches have been poor, lately (not that he's had good competition). Obviously, Big Nose'll win... and that's really all I have to say about this.

Here is your winner... I-UH... AM-UH... THE GAME-UH...

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
John Cena (c) vs Randy Orton

I take back what I said about the ECW title match. This is why I want to watch SummerSlam. But, why, you ask? The match won't be very good, no. But I just want to see one pay per view end without Cena's music playing. For once. I don't like Cena. I love Orton - the pose, the ho's, the RKOs. And I'm 95% that he's gonna win. Which is freaking awesome.

Come on, Orton. Do it for the IWC. Please. We've Cena-nuff.

Here is your winner... and NEW WWE CHAMPION... neeooooouuuwwwwww HEY!

I have an idea

I've had an epiphany.

After reading a blog update on X-Entertainment, it has come to my attention that just about anyone can get on the back of a DVD with a "This movie is great" kind of comment. The problem is, a lot of movies don't get any of those because they suck.

I'm about to change that.

I went to Rotten Tomatoes and picked out a few of the movies that are in cinemas now but aren't so good, apparently. Hopefully, these glowing reviews will make me famous.

And now... Covered in Gravy presents, MOVIE REVIEWS!

Rush Hour 3 (20% on RT) -- Chan and Tucker re-invent the buddy comedy movie with non-stop action and faced paced wit! 5 stars!

Underdog (12% on RT) -- The move from cartoon to real-life for Underdog was the best thing that could have happened to the franchise. Hilariously funny, with a big thumbs up!

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (14% on RT) -- Some movies are hilarious. Some movies are touching. Chuck and Larry is both of those, one moment giving you non-stop laughs and the next teaching us about the gay community. It's brilliant! 10 out of 10!

Daddy Day Camp (2% on RT) -- The funniest kids movie of the summer! Five stars!

Bratz: The Movie (9% on RT) -- OMG! This movie is, like, awesome! Jon Voight is excellent - Two big thumbs up!

Evan Almighty (24% on RT) -- Steve Carell has the performance of his lifetime! Even better than Bruce Almighty! Five out of five!

All of these reviews are completely serious.

Put me on the back of a DVD, Hollywood! And remember to quote me as "Covered in Gravy".

Madden '08 has a few glitches

This guy wasn't too happy with his copy of Madden 2008 for the Xbox 360.

Warning: Many, many expletives in this video.

Warning: Much, much hilarity, too.

Enjoy the show!

Dear anyone who didn't enjoy Monday night's Raw,

Calm down.

Now, I may be being hypocritical here, but a post to say someone didn't like Raw was definitely not needed. Indeed, this may not be needed, if I'm just saying I liked Raw, but I'm not.

I agree, Raw was not a great wrestling show this week. Key word in that sentence: wrestling. Vince said it himself this week: the WWE is an Entertainment company. It's World Wrestling Entertainment. And I was extremely entertained by Raw this week.

It started off great - Sandman being the GM would have been hilarious:

Cena: SANDMAN, I WANT A MATCH WITH UMAGA! TONIGHT!

...Sandman?

Sandman: *smashes beer can against forehead, chases him out of office with cane*

But Regal being the GM was the best possible scenario. As soon as the match was announced, I thought, "REGAL FOR GM REGAL FOR GM". Regal wanted a push on Raw, he got it. I loved this - one of my biggest mark-out moments I can remember. Although that's a bit sad.

The WWE Dating Game skit was hilarious, too. Regal burns the contestants at the start. Simmons has a bigger vocabulary. Santino turns heel - heck, even Hacksaw was funny at times.

Vince was amusing. The call-back to the London grin on Vince's death march was amusing. Many other things were amusing - and the good parts were enough to cancel out the bad parts and still have goodness left over.

I think the IWC, as a whole, has become too negative. Yes, the good ol' days of wrestling were very good. But I think we have to put up with the fact that the WWE has moved on from this - they're never going to be that good again with Vince at the helm of the company.

The WWE has become more of an entertainment company. If you're reading this, you probably love wrestling - if you don't already, watch Ring of Honor. It's better than anything the WWE could ever put on in the squared circle.

Everyone needs to just watch the WWE, and realise that it's not going to be that pure wrestling promotion that we all want it to be. We're a vocal minority, and the majority of wrestling fans - marks - are gonna put up with RAPPPAADDDOOOOO, Batshitista, and others with little to no wrestling ability. As the title says...

Enjoy the show!

Although the less said about a possible Vince-Steph incest angle, the better. Eugh.

More Fun with Keywords!

Here are some more words people searched for on Google to find this blog:

cena vs jbl preview judgement day (A preview of a match that would have happened 2 or 3 years ago? All right.)
damian linson (Who? [does research] A Central Michigan wide receiver? What the hell?)
chase holbrook qb mock draft (Again, why search for something that's already happened? Or... if my memory serves me, Holbrook still plays at New Mexico State or something... why would there be a mock draft with him in it in AUGUST?!?)
tulane wendall octave (More of people searching for football players, I guess.)
wwe.com (Here's a suggestion, mate. Go to wwe.com instead of searching for it on Google! Idiot.)

And that's it for this week's exciting edition of Fun with Keywords! Tune in next week for more idiots and perverts finding my blog!

Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 6

I understood absolutely none of that.

NCAA Football '08: Video Review

Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s Review

May as well try and pick up where I left off with more videos.

Fun with Keywords!

I have a counter somewhere on this site (I forget where), which counts how many hits I get to this bloggy thingy. It's a surprising amount - roughly 20 to 25 hits a day, which I'm very happy with. But a lot of those views come from Google Searches, which I'm also very happy with. Why? Because I get to see all the things people are searching for when they find my blog!

Some examples:

"candice michelle and pudding" (The one person the WWE is targeting with those matches has visited this blog!)
"ncaa 08 ____" x 1000000 (Honestly, there's about 7 or 8 searches that weren't something to do with NCAA Football 2008.)
"wwe.com videos on judgment day" (Why they clicked this link instead of WWE.com's, I don't know.)
"the great khali vs batista one man stand match" (Firstly, why would you want to know about a Great Khali match? Secondly, did this match ever happen? I don't think it did. I forget. Thirdly, one man stand match? What the hell?)
"youtube wrestlers winners" (This just confuses me.)
"watch video of edge winning the world heavyweight championship" (It's called YouTube, my friend. Use it.)
"youtube gravy" (Holy crap! Someone actually searching for gravy finds this site! It's a miracle!)

So there we have it. The weird... the boring... and that's about it. Maybe if I post some weird words in this post, I'll get stranger searches. Let's see...

HOT LESBIAN ACTION VIDEOS

SEX SEX SEX

FURRIES HOMEPAGE XXX

MACHINE EATS PERSON

FRIED DUCK HUNT

ELEPHANTS PLAYING SOCCER

Come on down, weirdos!

My blog is very valuable

Look how much money I would make if I sold this blog:

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Hoora- wait.

Damn.

I. R. Back

Hey guys, I'm back! Well, I've actually been home since the 23rd, but I've only now been bothered to post.

So... yeah. It was fun.

Alright then.

Bye bye bye

Alright, then. I'm off for a one month holiday to England and the US, so I won't be posting on here for a while.

So, I guess, until then, this is Max Laughton saying...

Drat.

Goodbye!

Bowl Season, 2011: Dynasty Videos

Bowl Season, 2011 videos, courtesy of YouTube and zShare:





Video 3

Video 4

Video 5

Championship Week, 2011: Dynasty Video

Championship Week, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 14, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 14, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 13, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 13, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 12, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 12, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 5

lol melon

Week 11, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 11, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 10, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 10, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 4

oh i get it it's random thats so funny

wait no its not

Week 9, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 9, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

NCAA '08: Recruiting Article from IGN

I would post the article on here, but stupid IGN won't let me host images on Blogger, and I don't have enough readers (read: I can't be bothered) to download then upload them myself. Link.

NCAA '08: Next-Gen Dynasty Walkthrough and Team Ratings

Firstly, another video, this time from Gamespot: Link (Gamespot doesn't let you embed videos for some reason.)

Thanks to gschwendt, a user at the ncaastrategies.com forum, Utopia, we now know the team ratings for some of the teams in NCAA Football '08! (Air Force through to San Diego State). In his words:

I just posted a Gamespot dynasty walk through and as part of that, they went through the team selection screen... it scrolls really fast, but I pulled it into a video editing program and looked at it frame by frame to come up with these. Enjoy.

And here are the ratings: Link (the thing wouldn't format right on here for some reason.)

Even More NCAA '08 Dynasty Info

From the below recruiting video, we now know that the Top 25 contains the following:

#1 USC (38)
#2 Michigan (22)
#3 LSU (1)
#4 Florida
#5 Texas
#6 West Virginia
#7 Wisconsin
#8 Oklahoma
#9 Virginia Tech
#10 Arkansas

#14 Nebraska
#15 Tennessee
#16 Cal
#17 Penn State
#18 Georgia
#19 UCLA
#20 Rutgers
#21 Florida State

More NCAA '08 Dynasty Info

More info, this time for the next-gen.

NCAA Football '08: Current-Gen Dynasty Video

Seeing as the only NCAA Football game I can play is on the Xbox, and all I play is dynasty, this is an extremely welcome video to see.

Week 8, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 8, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Family Guy does Star Wars

http://www.devilducky.com/media/62681/

Seth MacFarlane and Co., the producers of Family Guy, have been given permission from George Lucas to create a Star Wars parody with Family Guy characters. This is the ten minute trailer, and I've got to say, it's pretty funny. Although I think I'm right in saying everyone's sick of the old pedophile guy.

Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 3

Spot the joke spot the joke its worth $20 just spot the joke

Week 7, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 7, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

One Night Stand Predictions Recap

Well, I didn't do too badly. Let's take a look at the numbers:

Max's Predictions:
Judgment Day, 2007: 5/7 (71%)
One Night Stand, 2007: 6/8 (75%)

Running Total: 11/15 (73.333%)

Meh. I'm happy with that.

Max's One Night Stand Preview

one-night stand - noun

1. a single performance in one locale, as by a touring theatrical company, before moving on to the next engagement.
2. (slang) a one-night sex partner; sexual intercourse with a one-night partner
3. ANOTHER BLOODY PAY PER VIEW

Yes, it's another WWE pay per view, just 2 weeks after Judgment Day (and one night after Saturday Night's Main Event, for that matter, although to be fair that wasn't a PPV.) One could call this Judgment Day Part II, Revenge of the Heels (or something), with the amount of rematches we have on this card. There's 2 one-on-one rematches, which doesn't include Vincent Kennedy McMahon vs Bobby Lindsey (Judgment Day: Vincent, Shane and Umaga vs Lindsey), and the Six-Man Tag Team Tables Match (JD: CM Punk vs Elijah Burke).

OK, so there is a few new matches, but certainly not many good ones. Kane vs Mark Henry in a Lumberjack Match? That doesn't even make any sense - almost all of the lumberjacks will be smaller than the competitors. That's not very threatening! Rob Van Overacting vs Another Headlock Randy in a Stretcher match? Orton's going to chin-lock RVD to sleep and then slowly lower him onto the stretcher! Melina vs Candice in a PUDDING MATCH?!? THAT IS NOT EXTREME, VINCE! EXTREME!!!! EC-DUB IS EXTREME!!!11! Oh, but some people will say, "But Max, Candice has been improving lately and now she's one of the best women wrestlers!" That's like saying I have syphillis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Sure, then you've got the Ladder Match between the Hardys and the World's Greatest Tag Team. If you read this blog often, you'll know my thoughts on this match already. I very much like it, although it could have been better. This is irrelevant though, onto the matches.

Kane vs Mark Henry
Lumberjack Match

I couldn't be less looking forward to this. This match was created because on Smackdown, these two guys had a horrible match which ended with a bear hug on the floor which forced Kane to be counted out. Yes, you read that correctly. My god, it even sounds horrible. So then new assistant General Manager Vickie Guerrero (ewwwwwwwwww) made this match for One Night Stand. If it's possible to hate her even more, I do now.

Picking a winner... I dunno. The World's Sweatiest Man got the upper hand on Smackdown, so...

Here is your winner, THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE MY GAWD ITS KANE

Rob Van Dam vs Randy Orton
Stretcher Match

This came about after some crap on WWE.com where RVD didn't like what Orton did to HBK, so Orton requested a match, and then he beat him up, and then Van Dam oversold the RKO, and so on until we got to here. I expect this match to be full of headlocks (Orton) and botches (RVD). Great, just great. I would pick RVD to win, but he's on the outs with the WWE. I would pick Orton to win, but he is too, along with the fact that he had the upper hand on WWE TV this week. I dunno, I'll just guess...

Here is your winner, Another Headlock Randy?

CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer and the Sandman vs the New Breed (Elijah Burke, Matt Striker and Marcus Cor Von)
Six-Man Tag Team Tables Match

This has a possibility of being good. Remember some of the hardcore matches that have been on ECW recently? (The four-way dance, New Breed vs Originals to name the ones I mean.) This could end up something like this. Now, I'm not sure how exactly this will work. Does every man need to go through a table, or just one? I'm hoping all three, otherwise this might get cut short for that all-important pudding match. Eugh. Anyways, this is a bit of a difficult decision too. The heels need to win something on this PPV to balance it out, and Jobby Dreamer is on the other team. But, I don't see Punk losing. I'm torn. Hmm...

Here is your winner, the team with the logo that looks like some sort of shaving logo, AKA the New Breed

The Hardys (Matt and Jeff) vs the World's Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas)
Ladder Match
World Tag Team Championship

Well, this one's an easy pick. This'll probably be one of the best matches on the card, simply because the rest of the card isn't very good. Also, the fact that we've got Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy (botches and all) and Shelton Benjamin running around using ladders. And Charlie Haas isn't that bad either. (I was probably a bit mean to him in my last post.) Of course, the WGTT isn't going to win, that wouldn't make any sense. The Hardys'll win this... although, I just thought of something. Cade and Murdoch looked pissed after realising they weren't getting the title shot at One Night Stand. Maybe they'll interfere and give the WGTT the win...

Nah.

Here is your winner, (insert teenage girls screaming)

Melina vs Candice Michelle
Pudding Match

Three burning questions for this match:

1) How is a Pudding Match classified as, 'Extreme Rules'?
2) In which alternate universe is Melina classified as attractive?
3) How bad is this going to be?

I mean, really? These two aren't the worst women wrestlers the WWE has, I admit. Mickie, Victoria and maybe a few others are better, but Melina is alright and Candice is improving (although you already know I compared her to a STD before. And not the wrestling move.) But two women prone to botches in a puddle of pudding (nice alliteration, self) isn't going to be very entertaining. Wrestling-wise, at least. Still, we need a winner. Uhh... heck, they're pushing Candice to the moon... oh, wait, this is non-title. I didn't realise that. Yeah, now she's definitely winning.

Here is your winner, WOOOO GO DADDY YEAH WOO [/king]

Edge vs Batista
Steel Cage Match
World Heavyweight Championship

It's already been said a bazilliontrillionquadrillionmillionalotof times, but:

a) WHY IS BATISTA GETTING ANOTHER REMATCH, and
b) WHY IS SMACKDOWN PUTTING ON ANOTHER STEEL CAGE MATCH

Stupid Teddy Long. Look - Edge has been promised a long title run by the WWE, and Batista sucks, so...

Here is your winner, and STILL World Heavyweight Champion, ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY

Mr. McMahon vs Bobby Lashley
Street Fight
ECW Championship

I love the fact that because Vincent loves Lindsey (and himself), the ECW title is being made more important than the World Heavyweight Title. It's above that match on the One Night Stand site, anyways, I don't know if it's more important. It's certainly not more prestigious - the belt my dad wears to work every day would be more prestigious than the ECW title at this point. OK, the match. Obviously, Lindsey's going to win. Vince has held the title for too long and he loves Lindsey too much to keep it off him for two months.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Tampion (as he would say), Bobby Lindsey

John Cena vs the Great Khali
Pinfalls Count Anywhere
WWE Championship

Note the wording there: pinfalls count anywhere. None of that best submission move ever, the STFU, this time. I'd just like to bring to your attention the poll on the front page of the One Night Stand site:

Did John Cena make a mistake accepting a Pinfalls Count Anywhere Match with the Great Khali?

Yes. The Great Khali has repeatedly manhandled him and has never been pinned. 46.05%
No. The Champ will overcome the odds as always. 53.94%

I just find this amusing in so many ways. "The Champ." "Overcome the odds as always." Oh, WWE, you crack me up. But the results show that the fans aren't stupid. We know Cena never loses. He ALWAYS overcomes the odds. I believe that the only way to defeat Cena would be to team him up with someone like Bobby Lashley who also always overcomes the odds and put him against someone like Val Venis, or Eugene. Then there's no odds to overcome. This happened on Raw when Cenashley faced Shane-O-Mac and the two non-English speaking and thus heels. So, as we know, as always (sigh)...

Here is your winner, and STILL WWE Champion, RAPAADDDOOOOOOOOOO

Week 6, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 6, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 2

devil may cry 3 was hard lol

(Whenever I talk in just lower-case letters, I'm being sarcastic, in case you couldn't tell.)

A waste of a great opportunity

The Hardys vs The World's Greatest Tag Team in a Ladder Match. It's a wet dream for some IWC smarks. But, yet, it could have been better. Let me explain.

Some of the best matches in WWE history were contested in the Tables, Ladders and Chairs variant, between the Hardys, Edge and Christian, and the Dudley Boys. Why not try and recreate this with the teams we've got now? Think about it:

The Hardys = The Hardys

Duh.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas = Edge and Christian

Two very talented wrestlers combined to make a tag team. Although they obviously don't have the charisma of E&C, Shelton could be (if used correctly) a future WWE champ due to his incredible natural abilities, while Haas is pretty good, as far as jobbers go.

Cade and Murdoch = The Dudley Boys

Two not particularly talented wrestlers. Brawlers. Big guys. But still, entertaining. Cade and Murdoch obviously don't have the experience or the hardcoreness of the Dudleys, but they're still pretty close.

Obviously, they're not going to get a match like the original TLC matches. They were fresh, new, inventive, insert other superlatives here. WGTT and Cade and Murdoch probably aren't as good as E&C and the Dudleys, either, although that's certainly arguable. And the Hardys aren't as OMG XTREME as they used to be. But, still. We could have had some great nostalgia value with a three-way TLC match including the Hardys, two big guys and some talented wrestlers.

It'd be like the old days... except not as good.

Hmm. That sounds like a general thing you could say about wrestling today.

Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 1

Hooray! A new blog feature where I just upload an image and not say much! Hooray for laziness!

This is why I like the AFL

This is a bit old, but still great.



I don't see Dwayne Wade doing that and getting back up.

Week 5, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 5, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Lloyd Carr wants me to play for Michigan

Lloyd Carr, coach of the Michigan Wolverines football team, recently travelled to Australia to watch some crappy rugby team. Who cares about that. The important thing was something he said...

One of my goals is to get an Australian kid to Michigan. I will tell you this, there is no doubt there are a few kids here who could play American football.

Lloyd. Call me.

Week 4, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 4, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Super Mario Bros. songs played on Guitar Hero 2

Who doesn't love Guitar Hero? And who doesn't love Super Mario Brothers? And when you mix the two together?

Well, it's something I couldn't do. I'm still on Medium. I suck.

April Absurdity: Day 10 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 10:

#11 Michigan State at #6 UCLA
#14 Army at #3 Georgia
#10 Southern Methodist at #7 Kansas
#15 Appalachian State at #2 Brigham Young

It's little brother vs little brother as the little brother of Michigan, Michigan State, takes on the little brother of USC, UCLA. (My apologies to the fans of those teams. Well, not the Sparty fans.) The Army will battle between the hedges of Gawja, while Southern Methodist will take on Kansas. No special comments there. And then last season's I-AA champions, Appalachian State, will face unlikely #2 seed Brigham Young. Why is BYU #2? They finished 16th in the rankings I used. :shrugs:

Bill Simmons, dead at however old he is

The Celtics get the #5 pick in the NBA Draft.

I sent an email to Simmons when I found out:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I can't wait to see what he writes on E!SPN tomorrow.

Oh, and visit Awful Announcing. I'm trying to get added to their 'Friends of AA" list, so I'm posting a link to them too. It, along with Kissing Suzy Kolber, are the only blogs I read every day.

April Absurdity: Day 9 Results

#11 Akron at #6 San Jose State:
Akron, 27-10

When I said San Jose State was the greatest team ever, that was an in joke for a forum I go on (Utopia). I didn't really think that. Which is why I wasn't surprised when Akron beat the Spartans, 27-10, to advance to the second round of April Absurdity. (Yes, I realise it's now May and this probably won't get finished until June.) Akron quarterback Luke Getsy, an impact quarterback who transferred from Pittsburgh, had 2 touchdown passes while 2 field goals and a 49 yard interception return touchdown by defensive end Kevin Grant helped the Zips pick up the victory.

Akron:
Luke Getsy: 15-29-271, 2 TD, 2 INT
Jabari Arthur, WR: 6-129, TD
Kevin Grant, RE: 2 TKL, TFL, INT, FR, TD

San Jose State:
Adam Tafralis: 11-25-190, TD, 3 INT
Chester Coleman, WR: 2-84, TD
Freddy McCutcheon, DT: 2 TKL, 2 TFL, 2 SK, FR

#14 Memphis at #3 Texas Christian:
Memphis, 42-31

My exact reaction when I saw this scoreline: "Wait, WHAT?" 14th seeded Memphis upsets 3rd seeded Texas Christian, 42-31, giving them a big victory and meaning they'll face the winner of Ohio/Indiana in the second round of April Absurdity. Quarterback Martin Hankins passed for 401 yards and 5 touchdowns, with his primary target being Ryan Scott, who caught 11 balls for 213 yards and 2 touchdowns. Maurice Jones also had 175 yards receiving and 2 touchdowns, while a 48 yard interception return touchdown by defensive end Rubio Phillips was the nail in TCU's coffin, giving Memphis the victory.

Memphis:
Martin Hankins: 17-27-401, 5 TD, INT
Ryan Scott, WR: 11-213, 2 TD
Rubio Phillips, RE: TKL, TFL, INT, TD

Texas Christian:
Jeff Ballard: 10-15-242, 2 TD, INT
Quentily Harmon, WR: 3-89, TD rec, 1-38, TD rush
Brian Bonner, SS: 5 TKL, TFL, INT

#10 Northwestern at #7 Tulsa:
Northwestern, 24-6

As predicted by me, the Big Ten's Northwestern defeated C-USA foe Tulsa, 24-6, in the first round of April Absurdity. The Wildcats scored 24 points to lead off the game, including two touchdown passes and a 38 yard interception return touchdown by OLB Nick Roach, while Tulsa could only score with 1:47 left in the game on a 57 yard pass. The two point conversion failed, and Northwestern was victorious, 24-6.

Northwestern:
C.J. Bacher: 16-23-295, 2 TD, INT
Ross Lane, WR: 4-109, TD
Nick Roach, OLB: INT, TD

Tulsa:
Paul Smith: 13-29-151, TD, 3 INT
Jesse Myer, WR: 3-68, TD
Nick Bunting, OLB: 6 TKL, 3 TFL, SK

#15 Temple at #2 Oklahoma:
Oklahoma, 20-7

Really, Oklahoma, if I were you I'd be ashamed. Not only do you only score 20 points. Not only do you allow a touchdown - but you let Rhett Bomar play? What the hell?

Temple:
Joe DeZano: 7-23-93, TD, INT
Bruce Francis, WR: 2-28, TD
Evan Cooper Jr., CB: 4 TKL, FF

Oklahoma:
Rhett Bomar: 6-8-83, TD, INT
Paul Thompson, WR: 3-49, TD (hahaha. The real starting QB is the top WR.)
Calvin Thibodeaux, RE: 6 TKL, 2 TFL, 2 SK, FF, FR

Judgment Day Predictions Recap

One of the most predictable Pay Per Views in recent memory, and I get two matches wrong. I don't really have a future in fortune telling, it seems. But what I'm going to do from this point is add up how many predictions at WWE Pay Per Views I get right.

Max's Predictions:
Judgment Day, 2007: 5/7 (71%)

Running Total: 5/7 (71%)

Week 3, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 3, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Max's Judgment Day Preview

I thought Judgment was spelt Judgement. Oh well. Onwards to the Pay Per View Preview! Payperpreview! Payview! Show.

We enter Judgment Day at a bit of a down spot for the WWE. Not only are Mr. Kennedy and the Undertaker injured, but Shawn Michaels is apparently injured now! Although he'll still work at Judgment Day. And then we have the actual Judgment Day card - it's looking great at some points (Benoit/MVP) while also ranging from bad (Edge/Batista) to really bad (Lashley vs the McMahons and Umaga) to so bad it could be good (Khali/Cena). I'm not going to go into details about how the WWE is going downhill or something, because it's not all their fault, but things definitely could be better.

But let's move on to the preview now. 7 matches, and I'll run them down from bottom of the list on WWE to the top. Actually, wait. Two things, first:

1) Why is Kane the main focus on the WWE.com Judgment Day site? I'm guessing him and the Boogeyman are going to be added at the last minute taking on That 50's Team or something.

2) There's a little section, again on the Judgment Day mini-site, mentioning the history of Judgment Day - and it mentions "Rey Mysterio's underdog World Championship defense against JBL." Don't get me (or anyone else on this blog, surely) about how that title reign sucked.

But now let's actually begin it, after three times of trying to do so.

Actually, no. This isn't joking, I actually just thought of something. Are they going to add a women's title match to this card? Melina vs Candice, maybe? We'll see. NOW let us finally begin.

Carlito vs Ric Flair

Not much to say about this one. Flair will win, because at the end of this feud Carlito will go over, as Flair has done throughout his career (put younger talent over). That's what he does. I'm sure this won't be a particularly good match, but I'm at least confident on the result.

Here is your winner, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton

HBK vs RKO. Abbreviation vs abbreviation. This match is taking place for the simple fact that both of these guys need to be on the pay per view. No feud, no backstory, just wrestling. Or rest holds, in Orton's case. The supposed injury to Michaels puts a bit of a spanner in the works of my original prediction (Michaels over). They might let Randy win just because Shawn's gonna be out for a little bit. But, I don't think they will.

Here is your winner, Shawn "Praise Jesus" Michaels

Elijah Burke vs CM Punk

Ah, now this'll be a good match. If the WWE actually gives these guys the time they deserve - say, 20 minutes - they could put on a 4-star match. Oh, wait, no star ratings. OK then, they could put on a damn good match. But, they'll probably end up with a 10 minute slot. Which makes this a lot like the Benoit/MVP match at WrestleMania 23. I hope this is that good. Right, now to picking a winner. Hmm... I think Punk'll go over in this feud, which I don't think will end at this PPV, so...

Here is your winner, the Elijah Experience

Chris Benoit (c) vs Montel Vontavious Porter
United States Championship
2 out of 3 falls match

Now THIS is gonna be great. By default, any match with Chris Benoit is great. Then you add MVP, who's improving every day. Then you make it 2 out of 3 falls?!? Holy shit, I'm excited for this. I'm going to downlo- I mean, acquire this PPV just because of this match. And maybe the comedy of live Khali. But I look for this to be great. It was set up well on Smackdown when Benoit beat MVP without using one of his finishers (he used a roll-up), showing how this match won't require Crossfaces and Playmakers to get the job done. Benoit retained at WM, and I think MVP is ready for a belt, so...

Here is your winner, as Bill Parcells would say, the guy who is supposed to be like "The Player"

Bobby Lashley vs Mr. McMahon (c), Shane McMahon and Umaga
ECW Championship

Is it just me, or has Vincent become more black than Lindsay over the past few weeks? Honestly, when we had the Coach, Lindsay and Vincent in the ring on Raw this past week, Vincent was the blackest person there. He really is quite an entertaining character, even if I'm a bit sick of him. But to the match, and I think it's pretty obvious who is going to win. Lindsay will pin Vincent, as long as he hasn't been doing drugs or trashed a hotel room that we haven't heard about. As far as I know, Vincent still loves Lindsay, so he'll regain the title. And then probably face Snitsky. Oh, I can't wait for that.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Champion, Bobby Lindsay

Edge (c) vs Batista
World Heavyweight Championship

First of all, I've got to talk about the Judgment Day site preview of this match. "As first reported by WWE Mobile Alerts," they write. OMG! Mobile alerts! Readers, if you are subscribed to this service, please tell me so I can come to your house and slap you across the face. Secondly, this: "Speculation within the SmackDown locker room holds that Long was purely incensed by the calculative, vulture-like manner in which Edge won the gold in Pittsburgh." Insert laughter here. Speculation within the locker room? Vulture-like manner? You're killing me, WWE. Alright, the match. Batista shouldn't even be getting a title shot - he lost to 'Taker three times. One would think he's used up his rematch clause. And it would be a complete insult to Money in the Bank if Edge loses the title so quickly. So...

Here is your winner, ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY

John Cena (c) vs the Great Khali
WWE Championship

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this match. Do I cheer Cena? Do I cheer Khali? Wait, I know what I'm cheering for. I'm cheering for botches. I'm cheering for screw-ups. I'm cheering for Khali to injure Cena. I'm cheering for everything to go completely wrong. I'm actually looking forward to this match, for the simple fact that it's going to be so bad. When John Cena's caryring a match which has no stipulations (Cena/Umaga at the Rumble was pretty good), you know you've got a problem. I don't know if Cena's going to win, but I just can't see Khali with the belt. I mean, who'd win it back off him? Cena? That'd be pointless. So...

Here is your winner, WRRRRAAAPPPAAADDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Week 2, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 2, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 1, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 1, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

MESHARK Replies!

MESHARK JOHNSON has replied! He opens with...

Dear dshban,
Thank you very much for your reasoning, concern and response.I believe you are the right person to transact with,considering the little i have seen from you.I proposed to you,not only for our mutual benefit but also for a long and everlasting relationship to exist between you and i,and between our children and related ones,through this venture.

OK... he thinks I'm the right person to transact with? Did he read my reply? And the second part really scares me:

I proposed to you,not only for our mutual benefit but also for a long and everlasting relationship to exist between you and i,and between our children and related ones,through this venture.

What the hell? I don't want to marry him!

MESHARK continues...

Well, iam a man of my early 50's,married to Mrs.Safi Johnson,of the "National Aviation Authorities"Kwame,here in my country,with (2)children,Ali Johnsonand Ahmed Johnson,who are both in the University in their Finals.I believe that one day,at the conclusion of transaction,we will come to see each other,when i will come over to your country for further investment and otherwise.It should be noted that for the success of this transaction,absolute secrecy should be maintained expecially from your side,

That sounds nice. Wait, he's coming over here?!? AAAAHHHH NO

Because i do not want anybody to implicate me in the course of realising my objective,as iam still serving now and intend to resign immediately at the end of this transaction,okay?It should be noted also that any information relating to this transaction,must not be relayed to anybody at all,not even the Banking officials,for security reasons,okay?.Iam giving you all this instructions because i work in the Bank too.I do not want any form of interrogation from yourside,which may disrupt the transfer of this Fund,okay?.

Oh no, we wouldn't want to say anything about this, would we? That could be dangerous.

He goes on, until he asks me some questions:

1.your age
2.your marital status
3.your occupation
4.if you are ready to keep the transaction as top secret as i do not want it to jeopadise or have my reputable immage dented
5.your financial capability
6.your credibility and reliability as to avoid betrayal from you or seating on my share when the funds finaly hits your bank account
7.that all my instructions as an insider and as the initiator of the transaction would be taking for the betterment of a hitch transfer and also include your private telephone and fax number and endevoure to call me with the above indicated private telephone line as indicated above.

Oh no, we wouldn't want to ruin his 'reputable immage', now would we?

Your immediate response shall be most appreciated as the urgency of the transfer implies for we don't have enough time again to excute this transaction and also don't fail to call me for more explanation.
I await your urgent call.

your humble partner.
MESHARK JOHNSON

So I responded to MESHARK's email...

Fuck yeah, nigga! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! You got yo ho Mrs. Johnson. Word. My ho's all up in my face, like, "DSHBAN, WHEN YOU GONNA GO GET YOURSELF A JOB." And I'm like, "SHUT UP, HO, IM TRYING TO PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT!" Fuck those hos, man.

And yo, meshark-nizzle, how'd you get that kickass name! MESHARK. Fo' shizzle.

My details, izzle:

1. 69 years of age and still pimpin'
2. I got 5 hos
3. Pimp
4. Yo, nigga, we gotta keep this top secret? Cant I like go and tell my ho 'bout it?
5. I make 5 Gs a night on the streets, man
6. You sayin' I gonna betray you? Nigga, Im gonna go pop a cap in yo ass if you gonna imply im gonna backstab you! I aint no Dreamz!
7. I call you when I get a phone, man

Just tell me what a nigga gotta do to get his hands on the Benjamins!

dshban IN DA HIZZIE

I feel my representation of black people is quite accurate.

And now we wait...

MESHARK JOHNSON Update

I just got another email from MESHARK. Hooray, I thought! Let's take a look...

It's the same email he sent me a week ago. The introduction one.

I'll reply to him with the same response, then. What do they think I am, stupid?

...Wow. Just, wow.

Who are these people?

We are the Diamonds!

Wow, that's a gay name. Where the hell would they be from?

We come from Glasgow!

...Scotland?

Football's our game!

...Bloody hell.

April Absurdity: Day 9 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 9:

#11 Akron at #6 San Jose State
#14 Memphis at #3 Texas Christian
#10 Northwestern at #7 Tulsa
#15 Temple at #2 Oklahoma

The greatest team in the world, San Jose State, is sure of victory as they face Akron. TCU tries to defeat a C-USA team in Memphis. Northwestern will probably pull off a mild upset in Tulsa, while elsewhere in Oklahoma the Sooners look to (and probably will) beat down Temple.

April Absurdity: Day 8 Results

#9 Northern Illinois at #8 Louisiana-Lafayette:
Northern Illinois, 24-21

Halfback Garrett Wolfe led the charge with 78 yards and a touchdown rushing as Northern Illinois defeated Louisiana-Lafayette, 24-21. NIU led 14-0 early with two passing touchdowns, but ULL came right back in the third with two passing TDs of their own. The Huskies kicked a 45 yard field goal with 14 seconds left in the 3rd to take the lead back, but a 41 yard passing touchdown early in the fourth quarter for the Ragin' Cajuns gave them a 21-17 lead. Wolfe then gave the Huskies the lead back with a go-ahead 5 yard touchdown run with 3:21 left in the ball game. NIU had a chance to extend their lead with a field goal, unfortunately for them though, it missed. But, an interception with 29 seconds left sealed the victory for #9 Northern Illinois as they defeated #8 Louisiana-Lafayette, 24-21 in the first round of April Absurdity.

Northern Illinois:
Phil Horvath: 14-22-200, 2 TD, INT
Britt Davis, WR: 6-110
Mark Reiter, SS: 4 TKL, INT, FF

Louisiana-Lafayette:
Jerry Babb: 10-22-219, 3 TD, 2 INT
Derrick Smith, WR: 6-167, 3 TD
Brenton Burkhalter, MLB: 5 TKL, TFL, FF

#12 Central Florida at #5 Utah:
Utah, 30-27 (OT)

Utah backup quarterback Brett Ratliff completed one pass today - but it was a damn important one. The 25 yard touchdown pass in the first overtime gave 5th seeded Utah a first round victory over 12th seeded Central Florida, in overtime, 30-27. Brian Johnson, starting quarterback of the Utes was injured on a Hail Mary attempt as time expired in the fourth quarter, meaning Ratliff would have to lead Utah in overtime. But he was obviously successful, so big deal that was (sarcasm). UCF got a 46 yard interception return touchdown to take a 7-3 lead at the beginning of the second quarter, after which the teams traded points until a 17 yard touchdown pass by Central Florida with 56 seconds left in the game sent us to OOOOOOOVVERRTTIIIIIIIMMME. UCF settled for a 19 yard field goal on their possession, after which Utah scored on a 25 yard pass on their first play to get the win, 30-27.

Central Florida:
Steven Moffett: 20-28-339, 2 TD
Mike Walker, WR: 3-137, TD
Joe Burnett, CB: 4 TKL, INT, TD

Utah:
Brian Johnson: 27-37-413, 3 TD, 2 INT
Marquis Wilson, WR: 8-91, 3 TD
Martail Burnett, DE: 3 TKL, 3 TFL, 2 SK, FF

#13 Mississippi State at #4 Central Michigan:
Mississippi State, 16-7

This is kind of an upset. Let's say why it is an upset, first. Mississippi State is seeded 13th, so wasn't expected to win, of course. Then again, Central Michigan is a) a MAC team (while Miss. State, while crap, is still an SEC team) and b) lower rated than Miss. State. So it's not really an upset. CMU led first with a 62 yard touchdown pass just a minute into the game, but the Bulldogs scored 16 unanswered points (3 field goals, one 71 yard TD pass) to win in the first round of April Absurdity, 16-7.

Mississippi State:
Michael Henig: 10-21-194, TD, INT
Omarr Conner, WR: 6-198, TD
Jeramie Johnson, FS: 4 TKL, INT

Central Michigan:
Brian Brunner: 11-21-153, TD
Damian Linson, WR: 5-114, TD
Thomas Keith, MLB: 6 TKL, 3 TFL

#16 Southern Illinois at #1 Boise State:
Boise State, 42-6

No surprises here as #1 Boise State wins on the blue turf, 42-6, meaning every #1 seed won their first round matchup. Not that anyone expected any different. Jared Zabransky threw for 5 touchdowns in the win.

...there's nothing else to say about this.

Southern Illinois:
QB #12: 6-13-137, INT
HB #24: 18-48
SS #5: 4 TKL, INT

Boise State:
Jared Zabransky: 16-23-283, 5 TD, INT
Jerard Rabb, WR: 7-102, 2 TD
Korey Hall, MLB: 4 TKL, TFL, INT

and... NEW!!! WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...

Edge won the World Heavyweight Title on Smackdown this week after cashing in his Money in the Bank (which he won from Mr. Kennedy on Raw), and here's video from someone who was at the SD tapings.

I marked out huge for Edge winning.

ON THIS DAY

I SEE CLEARLY

FROM THE DESK OF MESHARK JOHNSON

Yeah, I know this has been done before. But I want to respond to a Nigerian Bank Scam of my own.

Well, to be specific, it's a Burkinabe Bank Scam. I believe that's the term for someone from Burkina Faso. Take a look at an email I just received:

Dear Sir,

I am the AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US$25m dollars (TWENTY FIVE MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account that belongs to one
of our foreign customer (MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from Munich, Germany) who died
along with his entire family in Jully 2000 in a plane crash.

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT THIS SITE BELLOW
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after Ten years, the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged,you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name,your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where in the money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the
application .

I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours Faithfully,
MESHARK JOHNSON(B.O.A)

What a sad, sad story. I am greatly saddened by the death of MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from Germany, which occured in Jully (sp), 2000. (Note: The link in the email is a real story; I congratulate them on doing their research).

I love the wording in this email. They have to give me (of all people the money),

since nobody is coming for it

That made me laugh.

I, as the smartest person in the universe, quickly realised this email was a scam. Why? The email address of Mr. MESHARK JOHNSON is a Hotmail Account. I somehow think the Bank of Africa could afford proper email addresses.

Of course, I had to respond to this. But how? Well, I decided the best course of action was to put on my pale-white-boy-being-a-stereotypical-black-person hat and see what I could do.

Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo yo!

Yo!

Wassup my brutha from anotha mutha! It's ya home boi, dshban in da HIZZZZIIIE!

I gotta get my hands on the dolla dollas, G! What's a brotha gotta do to be hooked up with the Benjamins?

Gimme the low down on what I gotta do, bro.

Peace out, nigga.

dshban

Sorry to all of the people I offended with that partly racist but all horrible impersonation.

Now I just wait and see what happens...

April Absurdity: Day 8 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 8:

#9 Northern Illinois at #8 Louisiana-Lafayette
#12 Central Florida at #5 Utah
#13 Mississippi State at #4 Central Michigan
#16 Southern Illinois at #1 Boise State

Garrett Wolfe and Northern Illinois of the MAC face off against Louisiana-Lafayette of the Sun Belt. #5 Utah attempts to show they've still got it as they play surprise C-USA team #12 Central Florida. Central Michigan tries to show us why they were ranked #4 as they face #13 Mississippi State of the SEC, while #1 Boise State begins their journey as they try to prove they should have been the National Champions as they play I-AA and #16 Southern Illinois. Gee, I wonder who'll win that.

April Absurdity: Day 7 Results

#9 Rice at #8 Iowa:
Rice, 24-9

I'm pretty sure this is the biggest 8/9 upset we could have had - 'A' rated Iowa being defeated by 'C+' rated Rice, at Iowa! The 9th seeded Owls defeated the 8th seeded Hawkeyes, 24-9, behind halfback Quinton Smith's 95 yards and 1 touchdown rushing effort. But the first two scores of the game were actually on defense - Iowa scored on a safety of all things to make it 2-0, but then Rice came back with a 44 yard INT return touchdown by OLB Carl Taylor. The teams then traded long passing touchdowns, with Rice scoring on a 65 yard pass and Iowa scoring on a 69 yarder, but a field goal by the Owls followed by a 1 yard TD plunge by the HB Smith with 50 seconds left in the third gave 9th seeded Rice the victory over 8th seeded Iowa, 24-9.

Rice:
Chase Clement: 3-5-114, TD
Quinton Smith, HB: 25-95, TD
Carl Taylor, OLB: 3 TKL, TFL, SK, INT, TD

Iowa:
Drew Tate: 12-22-225, TD, 2 INT
Calvin Davis, WR: 3-90, TD
Edmond Miles, OLB: 3 TKL, TFL, Safety

#12 Tulane at #5 Houston:
Tulane, 24-23

Another upset, as 12th seeded Tulane defeats 5th seeded Houston, 24-23! The Green Wave scored first, on an 80 yard touchdown pass from Lester Ricard to Davis, but Houston came right back as Kevin Kolb completed a 37 yarder to Avery for the score to tie it at 7. Tulane then got a 13 yard TD run by Forte. The teams traded field goals - one for Houston, one for Tulane, another for Houston, and the Green Wave leads 17-13. But then the Cougars get a 24 yard fumble return touchdown by Allen and then a 23 yard field goal to take a 23-17 lead! But, Tulane would come back. They got a break with Kevin Kolb, starting QB of the Cougars getting injured. And then, with 41 seconds left in the game, Ricard completes a 24 yard touchdown pass to Brown which gave the 12th seeded Green Wave the upset over 5th seeded Houston, 24-23.

Tulane:
Lester Ricard: 14-34-276, 2 TD, INT
Damarcus Davis, WR: 4-142, TD
Antonio Harris, LE: 4 TKL, 2 TFL, SK

Houston:
Kevin Kolb: 15-21-216, TD
Donnie Avery, WR: 8-133, TD
Trent Allen, MLB: 4 TKL, TFL, SK, FR, TD

#13 Connecticut at #4 Georgia Tech:
Georgia Tech, 35-10

A Johnson was the best receiver for 4th seeded Georgia Tech in their win over 13th seeded Connecticut, but it wasn't Calvin. James Johnson had 7 receptions for 95 yards and 2 touchdowns as the Yellow Jackets defeated UConn, 35-10. The game never looked in doubt, as QB Reggie Ball passed for three touchdowns and ran for one more in the Georgia Tech win.

Connecticut:
Matt Bonislawski: 13-25-178, INT
Brandon Young, WR: 6-92
Marvin Taylor, FS: 5 TKL, TFL, FF, FR

Georgia Tech:
Reggie Ball: 14-23-149, 4 total TD
James Johnson, WR: 7-95, 2 TD
Philip Wheeler, MLB: 3 TKL, TFL

#16 Youngstown State at #1 Southern California:
Southern California, 63-14

The highest scoring game of April Absurdity (yes, I know it's not April) occurs as top seeded USC defeats 16th seeded Youngstown State of I-AA, 63-14. No surprises there. John David Booty went 14 of 16 for 323 yards, with 7 touchdowns and 1 interception. Oh, and Mark Sanchez passed for a touchdown too.

Day-umn.

Steve Smith was the top receiver for USC, with 5 receptions for 134 yards and 4 touchdowns, while the Trojans also has an interception return for a touchdown by cornerback Kevin Thomas. So, basically, USC demolished a I-AA opponent. No surprises there WHATsoever.

Youngstown State:
QB #14: 11-17-159, 2 TD, 3 INT
HB #32: 2-75, TD (rec), 17-45 (rush)
MLB #45: 3 TKL, TFL, SK, FF

Southern California:
John David Booty: 14-16-323, 7 TD, INT
Steve Smith, WR: 5-134, 4 TD
Kevin Thomas, CB: 2 TKL, INT, TD

April Absurdity: Day 7 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 7:

#9 Rice at #8 Iowa
#12 Tulane at #5 Houston
#13 Connecticut at #4 Georgia Tech
#16 Youngstown State at #1 Southern California

April Absurdity: Day 6 Results

#12 Baylor at #5 Southern Mississippi:
Baylor, 21-14

The Daily Upset Special! 12th seeded Baylor gets two passing touchdowns from QB Shawn Bell along with a 2 yard TD run by HB Paul Mosley on route to a 21-14 victory over 5th seeded Southern Mississippi. USM had a 61 yard punt return by FS Jasper Faulk after Baylor's first TD (the run), but then Baylor scored passing touchdowns in the second and third quarters. Brett Favre's alma mater tried to come back, and scored on a 23 yard pass with 1:20 left in the game, but they couldn't stop Baylor as the Bears ran for a first down, ran out the clock and ran away with the game as 12th seeded Baylor defeated 5th seeded Southern Mississippi, 21-14.

Baylor:
Shawn Bell: 16-29-219, 2 TD, INT
Trent Shelton, WR: 6-92, TD
C.J. Wilson, CB: 3 TKL

Southern Mississippi:
Jeremy Young: 10-19-130, TD, INT
Josh Barnes, WR: 3-62
Jasper Faulk, FS: 5 TKL, PR TD

#13 Idaho at #4 Texas A&M:
Texas A&M, 28-17

13th seeded Idaho kept it close, but 4th seeded Texas A&M pulled away in the end to win, with the final score being 28-17. The Aggies scored first on a 7 yard touchdown pass, but Idaho then took the lead - a 93 yard pass from Wichman to Octave tied the game at 7, and then a 72 yard pass from Wichman to Heacock gave the Vandals the lead. But TAMU came right back with their own 72 yard touchdown pass to tie it at 14 just one play later, followed by a 1 yard touchdown pass at the beginning of the fourth quarter to take the lead back. Idaho would kick a field goal to make it 21-17, but Texas A&M would pass for a 45 yard touchdown with 53 seconds left as the fourth seeded Aggies defeated the 13th seeded Vandals, 28-17.

Idaho:
Steven Wichman: 17-30-364, 2 TD, 3 INT
Wendall Octave, WR: 7-145, TD
David Vobora, OLB: 5 TKL, TFL, SK

Texas A&M:
Ty Branyon: 8-16-195, 4 TD (McGee injured in 1st quarter)
Earvin Taylor, WR: 3-97, TD
Brock Newton, CB: 5 TKL, 2 INT

#16 Illinois State at #1 Wisconsin:
Wisconsin, 31-3

No surprises at Camp Randall as #1 seeded Wisconsin defeats 16th seeded Illinois State, 31-3. The Redbirds actually led, 3-0, at the start of the game following an interception, but the Badgers scored 31 unanswered points - including 3 touchdown passes by John Stocco - to pick up the victory.

Illinois State:
QB #17: 9-20-144, 2 INT
HB #5: 20-50
CB #26: 5 TKL, INT, FF

Wisconsin:
John Stocco: 16-23-322, 3 TD, 2 INT
Marcus Randle El, WR: 4-67, 2 TD
Joe Stellmacher, SS: 4 TKL, TFL, INT, FF

#9 Arizona at #8 Middle Tennessee State:
Arizona, 14-9

The smallest upset possible as 9th seeded Arizona (from the PAC-10) defeats 8th seeded Middle Tennessee State (from the Sun Belt), 14-9. I don't know why MTSU was an 8 seed. Both of the Wildcats' touchdowns dcame on runs by halfback Chris Henry - he had 76 and 8 yard TD runs. Middle Tennessee State kicked a field goal with 1:09 left in the third to make it 14-3, and then scored on a 76 yard TD pass with 48 seconds left in the game, but the two point conversion attempt failed as did the onside kick as Arizona won, 14-9.

Arizona:
Willie Tuitama: 7-13-69, INT
Chris Henry, HB: 13-118, 2 TD
Spencer Larson, OLB: 5 TKL, TFL, INT, FF

Middle Tennessee State:
Clint Marks: 12-26-177, TD, 2 INT
Taron Henry, WR: 3-91, TD
Brandon Perry, DT: 6 TKL, 3 TFL, SK, FF

The ever elusive... me!

Just got an iMac, so having some fun with the camera.

Not this. Anything but this.

Ladies and Gentlemen... the #1 contender to the WWE Championship stands at 7'3", and weighs in at 420 pounds. He hails from the Punjabi jungles of India... and is the worst wrestler ever. He is...

HORRIBLE!

No, no, no, no! Anything but this! Please! Raw this week started off great - Orton vs Edge was a heck of a match, and Umaga vs RVD wasn't half bad. But then the finish... are we sure Vince Russo didn't secretly resign with the WWE? We're not going to have a Punjabi Prison on a Pole match, right?

Shawn Michaels is laid out in the back. John Cena is found at the scene of the crime. Along with Val Venis, though, so it's not like that means anything. We suspect Edge. Then, later, we see Edge has been attacked as well. Thoughts come running through my head - is he faking? Was it Orton? Well, it wasn't Orton, because HE was then attacked in the back. Who would do such a thing?

WRRRAAAPPPPAAADDDOOOOOO, and THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! Mr. John Cena. He gets on the mic and tells the attacker to, "COME GET SOME!" Who's going to come out and challenge him? Who was the culprit?? How many more question marks can I use?!?!?

(Insert Indian Music here.)

And the hearts of the millions of WWE fans sink as the Great Khali comes out. He beats up Cena (a mild cheer from the IWC), but the Champ fights back. He gets Khali up for the FU- wait a minute. He gets Khali up for the FU?

There goes the WWE ruining the only - the ONLY - interesting thing about this possible match. Cena is the new Hogan, according to Vincent Kennedy McMahon, we all know that. Meanwhile, Khali is big. Who else is big? Lexington Steele. I don't mean in that department, self. Big Show. He's injured and semi-retired. Big John Studd. Dead. Who's Big John Studd? ...wait, you just named him. I was just putting words together. Oh. Right.

No, of course, I'm talking about Andre the Giant. Ohhhhhhhh! Shut up. What happened at Wrestlemania 3? King Kong Bundy beating up midgets? No, apart from that. What I am referring to, of course, is Hulk Hogan slamming Andre. Rumors were all over the web about Wrestlemania 23 and the possibility of this being done as a 20th anniversary kind of thing, with Hogan coming back to slam the Great Khali, but of course Hogan is an idiot so nothing happened there.

But, I'm sure Vincent still wants to commemorate that moment. Thus, we get the new Hogan against the new Andre. Make a bit of sense, it does. But then they go and spoil this moment that they could have done at a Pay Per View by wasting it on Raw! What the hell?!?

I can see what Vincent is trying to do here, though. He's not deaf - he hears the chants. Whole arenas booing his supposedly super-face WWE Champion John Cena is not what Vincent wants. Thus, he sends someone that people are going to boo more than they boo Cena. It does make a bit of sense, but honestly. No-one is booing Khali because he is a heel. People boo Khali because he is one of the worst wrestlers in the history of wrestling. Being tall does not make you a good wrestler! Height does not equal ability, Vince! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Please, Vince. I'd rather see you with the title than Khali. Oh, wait, you already have the title. Silly me.

We are the champions... my friend...

Australia has won their third straight Cricket World Cup, beating Sri Lanka in the West Indies overnight by 53 runs, in a game marred by rain.

Adam Gilchrist lived up to his billing as the most dangerous batsman in the one-day game with a record 149 as Australia won an unprecedented third straight ICC CWC final on Saturday.

Australia triumphed by 53 runs over Sri Lanka on the Duckworth/Lewis method at Kensington Oval in a game ruined as a spectacle by the weather.

Gilchrist's innings, the highest in a final surpassing the 140 not out made by Australia captain Ricky Ponting against India in Johannesburg four years ago, was the centerpiece of the champions' 281 for four.

But the game ended in confusion with Australia thinking the final was finished due to bad light after 33 overs of the Sri Lankan innings, in a match reduced by rain to 38 a side, only for play to resume in pitch darkness on a ground without floodlights.

Well done, Aussies. Men kissing each other aside, I'm proud of you. The tournament may have gone on for too long, but at least we won.

Eugh.

I woke up at 1AM to watch the Packers pick a defensive tackle? That frustrates me.

Apart from that, the draft was quite interesting. It was actually the first draft I was able to watch live - 2 years ago I didn't know how to watch it, and last year I was in Sydney when it happened - and it was fun to see the picks and coverage live instead of just reading everything on E!SPN the next morning.

Good to see the Packers are building for 2015, though.

Bowl Season, 2010: Dynasty Videos

Bowl Season, 2010 - Video 1 courtesy of YouTube:



Bowl Season, 2010 - Video 2 courtesy of YouTube:



Bowl Season, 2010 - Video 3 courtesy of YouTube:



Bowl Season, 2010 - Video 4 courtesy of YouTube:

Covered in Gravy's 2007 NFL Mock Draft

Calvin Johnson may be the best player in the draft, but that doesn't mean he's going #1.

I'm only going to do the top 16 draft picks. Once you get past there, there are too many variables on who chose who etc to pick who is going to be chosen, never mind pick the 7th round (I'm looking at you, Todd McShay.)

1. Oakland Raiders
JaMarcus Russell, QB, Louisiana State

Russell is the right guy at the right time for the Oakland Raiders. Al Davis's hair is too in love with the deep ball to pass on JaMarcus and his cannon for an arm, although they could take Calvin Johnson in this spot. I just doubt it though.

2. Detroit Lions
Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin

The Etrit Lins (no 'D', no 'O') just signed two receivers. And although Matt Millen, the Lions GM, seemingly has a wide receiver fetish, I can't see them taking Calvin Johnson in this spot. Well, they could, but I doubt it, like I doubt the Raiders taking him. It's a shame that CJ is dropping this far, but Joe Thomas will be an anchor on the offensive line for years to come in the Motor City. Then again, who was the last offensive lineman taken at #2 by an NFC North team?

Tony Mandarich, if I'm not mistaken. Uh oh.

3. Cleveland Browns
Adrian Peterson, HB, Oklahoma

Some say that the Browns will take Brady Quinn. While that's certainly a possibility, I think they'll appease the fans and take AD. He's too good to pass up. Then again, you could say that about Calvin Johnson. Where the hell are you putting him, author of this piece?

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech

All the pieces fall into place as Calvin Johnson falls to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, according to this mock draft. The Bucs covet Johnson, and are willing to trade up to #2 to grab him, but I think they'll be lucky enough to get him at #4. You could compare this to the Saints getting Reggie Bush last year, in fact. Another NFC South team getting the most exciting player in the draft? Possibly.

5. Arizona Cardinals
Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson

The Cardinals want Joe Thomas, but any linemen - offensive or defensive - would be a welcome addition to their trenches. Adams is a heck of a player, and Ken Whisenhunt would be happy to welcome him to Phoenix.

6. Washington Redskins
Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville

The Nigerian Nightmare, Round 2! No, it's not Christian Okoye, it's Amobi Okoye, a solid defensive tackle from...

Tom Jackson: Louisville!

A defensive tackle is the Skins' #1 need, so they'd be happy with Okoye, but they could trade with the Vikings or Dolphins if Brady Quinn is still on the board. But the Skins need defensive line help after setting a franchise record with only 19 sacks and finishing 27th versus the run in 2006.

7. Minnesota Vikings
Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame

The Vikings need quarterback help, if you ask me. Tavaris Jackson is not the answer, and Brad Johnson is gone now, so Quinn would certainly be an upgrade. Minny does have a problem with this pick, though. They do want Quinn, but their top two needs are WR (Calvin Johnson) and DE (Gaines Adams), and guess what? The top guys at those positions are gone. That's a bother. It would be too high to reach for a cornerback like Leon Hall from Michigan or Darrelle Revis out of Pittsburgh, so Quinn is the pick.

8. Atlanta Falcons (from Houston)
LaRon Landry, S, Louisiana State

No surprises here, as the Falcons get the best player at their biggest position of need. Landry started for 4 years at LSU, including playing as a freshman for the Tigers' National Championship winning team of 2003. As Atlanta has 10 picks in the draft, they could consider trading up to get Calvin Johnson, but it's unlikely as it would take their top three picks to move up to get him.

9. Miami Dolphins
Levi Brown, OT, Penn State

Another safe pick by me as the Fins get the best remaining player at their biggest position of need. As of writing, Miami has not signed Trent Green from the Kansas City Chiefs, although it seems likely they will do so and in doing so lose Daunte Culpepper, who could then go to Oakland or something and cause all kinds of problems. If Miami does not have Green by the time the draft rolls around, they could move up to get Brady Quinn, but for now, the Dolphins are taking Brown, according to me.

10. Houston Texans
Leon Hall, CB, Michigan

DT Alan Branch, also a Wolverine, would be a consideration here but the final choice would be Hall, the best cornerback in the draft. A possibility by Houston could be trading with Miami and moving up to get Levi Brown, but I feel the Texans will stick with Leon and get a quality starter opposite Dunta Robinson.

11. San Francisco 49ers
Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska

The Niners need strong and fast defensive linemen for their 3-4, and they'd get one in Carriker. Alan Branch and MLB Patrick Willis would also be considerations here, but the nod will go to Carriker, if all goes the way I think it will. Don't think that San Fran couldn't trade down though, like they did last year.

12. Buffalo Bills
Patrick Willis, MLB, Ole Miss

Sure, the Bills have been known to reach for players in the first round (see: Donte Whitner and John McCargo last year), but they won't do so this year and choose Marshawn Lynch who would fill their most pressing need at halfback. No, the Bills will choose tackling machine Patrick Willis, who was the lone bright spot at Mississippi last season. Another possibility in this spot is Darrelle Revis, the cornerback from Pittsburgh.

13. St. Louis Rams
Alan Branch, DT, Michigan

The Rams always have trouble on defense, and that side of the ball would be helped out greatly by picking Alan Branch out of...

Tom Jackson: Michigan!

Branch has an inconsistent motor and a potential for durability issues, but he's still a very solid defensive tackle who'll clog up the middle and allow the other defensive linemen to get to the quarterback, along with stopping the run. If Patrick Willis is available, though, don't be surprised to see him go to St. Louis.

14. Carolina Panthers
Greg Olsen, TE, Miami (FL)

Olsen, out of...

Michael Irvin: Da U!

Get out of here, Irvin, you don't even work for ESPN anymore! Jeesh. Anyways, I'm going with the seemingly unanimous mock draft choice here and saying Olsen...

Michael Irvin: Da U!

GO AWAY! Bloody hell. Olsen- SHUT UP IRVIN- has the speed to take pressure of WR's Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson, along with being the Panthers' biggest need. So that makes sense.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers
Paul Posluszny, OLB, Penn State

Yes, Lawrence Timmons out of Florida State might make a bit more sense here, but I think that Pittsburgh will take the hometown hero in Poz and make the fans happy. It's the least they could do after last season (they lost to the Raiders, for crying out loud!). Outside linebacker is the Steelers' biggest need due to the loss of Joey Porter, and Poz will fill that gap quite well.

16. Green Bay Packers
Marshawn Lynch, HB, California

As a Packers fan, I'm torn. I'd be happy with Lynch. He's a very solid running back. But, I also wouldn't mind the Pack taking Ted Ginn Jr., from the Ohio State University. Then again, the Buckeyes suck. (Michigan fan speaking.) Ginn would be a beast to play with on Madden, and that's really all I care about, but Lynch makes more sense. Although my absolute favourite thing for Green Bay to do would be to trade up and get Adrian Peterson. Either way, we really do need a halfback after the loss of Ahman Green (I don't think Vernand Morency or Noah Herron are the answers to the running back dilemma), so Lynch would be good.

And there you have it. Probably wrong, but hey, I don't see you doing a mock draft, Mr. Hypocritical. Unless you did. In which case, I'm completely wrong, aren't I. Bugger.