Max's Judgment Day Preview

I thought Judgment was spelt Judgement. Oh well. Onwards to the Pay Per View Preview! Payperpreview! Payview! Show.

We enter Judgment Day at a bit of a down spot for the WWE. Not only are Mr. Kennedy and the Undertaker injured, but Shawn Michaels is apparently injured now! Although he'll still work at Judgment Day. And then we have the actual Judgment Day card - it's looking great at some points (Benoit/MVP) while also ranging from bad (Edge/Batista) to really bad (Lashley vs the McMahons and Umaga) to so bad it could be good (Khali/Cena). I'm not going to go into details about how the WWE is going downhill or something, because it's not all their fault, but things definitely could be better.

But let's move on to the preview now. 7 matches, and I'll run them down from bottom of the list on WWE to the top. Actually, wait. Two things, first:

1) Why is Kane the main focus on the WWE.com Judgment Day site? I'm guessing him and the Boogeyman are going to be added at the last minute taking on That 50's Team or something.

2) There's a little section, again on the Judgment Day mini-site, mentioning the history of Judgment Day - and it mentions "Rey Mysterio's underdog World Championship defense against JBL." Don't get me (or anyone else on this blog, surely) about how that title reign sucked.

But now let's actually begin it, after three times of trying to do so.

Actually, no. This isn't joking, I actually just thought of something. Are they going to add a women's title match to this card? Melina vs Candice, maybe? We'll see. NOW let us finally begin.

Carlito vs Ric Flair

Not much to say about this one. Flair will win, because at the end of this feud Carlito will go over, as Flair has done throughout his career (put younger talent over). That's what he does. I'm sure this won't be a particularly good match, but I'm at least confident on the result.

Here is your winner, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton

HBK vs RKO. Abbreviation vs abbreviation. This match is taking place for the simple fact that both of these guys need to be on the pay per view. No feud, no backstory, just wrestling. Or rest holds, in Orton's case. The supposed injury to Michaels puts a bit of a spanner in the works of my original prediction (Michaels over). They might let Randy win just because Shawn's gonna be out for a little bit. But, I don't think they will.

Here is your winner, Shawn "Praise Jesus" Michaels

Elijah Burke vs CM Punk

Ah, now this'll be a good match. If the WWE actually gives these guys the time they deserve - say, 20 minutes - they could put on a 4-star match. Oh, wait, no star ratings. OK then, they could put on a damn good match. But, they'll probably end up with a 10 minute slot. Which makes this a lot like the Benoit/MVP match at WrestleMania 23. I hope this is that good. Right, now to picking a winner. Hmm... I think Punk'll go over in this feud, which I don't think will end at this PPV, so...

Here is your winner, the Elijah Experience

Chris Benoit (c) vs Montel Vontavious Porter
United States Championship
2 out of 3 falls match

Now THIS is gonna be great. By default, any match with Chris Benoit is great. Then you add MVP, who's improving every day. Then you make it 2 out of 3 falls?!? Holy shit, I'm excited for this. I'm going to downlo- I mean, acquire this PPV just because of this match. And maybe the comedy of live Khali. But I look for this to be great. It was set up well on Smackdown when Benoit beat MVP without using one of his finishers (he used a roll-up), showing how this match won't require Crossfaces and Playmakers to get the job done. Benoit retained at WM, and I think MVP is ready for a belt, so...

Here is your winner, as Bill Parcells would say, the guy who is supposed to be like "The Player"

Bobby Lashley vs Mr. McMahon (c), Shane McMahon and Umaga
ECW Championship

Is it just me, or has Vincent become more black than Lindsay over the past few weeks? Honestly, when we had the Coach, Lindsay and Vincent in the ring on Raw this past week, Vincent was the blackest person there. He really is quite an entertaining character, even if I'm a bit sick of him. But to the match, and I think it's pretty obvious who is going to win. Lindsay will pin Vincent, as long as he hasn't been doing drugs or trashed a hotel room that we haven't heard about. As far as I know, Vincent still loves Lindsay, so he'll regain the title. And then probably face Snitsky. Oh, I can't wait for that.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Champion, Bobby Lindsay

Edge (c) vs Batista
World Heavyweight Championship

First of all, I've got to talk about the Judgment Day site preview of this match. "As first reported by WWE Mobile Alerts," they write. OMG! Mobile alerts! Readers, if you are subscribed to this service, please tell me so I can come to your house and slap you across the face. Secondly, this: "Speculation within the SmackDown locker room holds that Long was purely incensed by the calculative, vulture-like manner in which Edge won the gold in Pittsburgh." Insert laughter here. Speculation within the locker room? Vulture-like manner? You're killing me, WWE. Alright, the match. Batista shouldn't even be getting a title shot - he lost to 'Taker three times. One would think he's used up his rematch clause. And it would be a complete insult to Money in the Bank if Edge loses the title so quickly. So...

Here is your winner, ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY

John Cena (c) vs the Great Khali
WWE Championship

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this match. Do I cheer Cena? Do I cheer Khali? Wait, I know what I'm cheering for. I'm cheering for botches. I'm cheering for screw-ups. I'm cheering for Khali to injure Cena. I'm cheering for everything to go completely wrong. I'm actually looking forward to this match, for the simple fact that it's going to be so bad. When John Cena's caryring a match which has no stipulations (Cena/Umaga at the Rumble was pretty good), you know you've got a problem. I don't know if Cena's going to win, but I just can't see Khali with the belt. I mean, who'd win it back off him? Cena? That'd be pointless. So...

Here is your winner, WRRRRAAAPPPAAADDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO