I have an idea

I've had an epiphany.

After reading a blog update on X-Entertainment, it has come to my attention that just about anyone can get on the back of a DVD with a "This movie is great" kind of comment. The problem is, a lot of movies don't get any of those because they suck.

I'm about to change that.

I went to Rotten Tomatoes and picked out a few of the movies that are in cinemas now but aren't so good, apparently. Hopefully, these glowing reviews will make me famous.

And now... Covered in Gravy presents, MOVIE REVIEWS!

Rush Hour 3 (20% on RT) -- Chan and Tucker re-invent the buddy comedy movie with non-stop action and faced paced wit! 5 stars!

Underdog (12% on RT) -- The move from cartoon to real-life for Underdog was the best thing that could have happened to the franchise. Hilariously funny, with a big thumbs up!

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (14% on RT) -- Some movies are hilarious. Some movies are touching. Chuck and Larry is both of those, one moment giving you non-stop laughs and the next teaching us about the gay community. It's brilliant! 10 out of 10!

Daddy Day Camp (2% on RT) -- The funniest kids movie of the summer! Five stars!

Bratz: The Movie (9% on RT) -- OMG! This movie is, like, awesome! Jon Voight is excellent - Two big thumbs up!

Evan Almighty (24% on RT) -- Steve Carell has the performance of his lifetime! Even better than Bruce Almighty! Five out of five!

All of these reviews are completely serious.

Put me on the back of a DVD, Hollywood! And remember to quote me as "Covered in Gravy".

More Fun with Keywords!

Here are some more words people searched for on Google to find this blog:

cena vs jbl preview judgement day (A preview of a match that would have happened 2 or 3 years ago? All right.)
damian linson (Who? [does research] A Central Michigan wide receiver? What the hell?)
chase holbrook qb mock draft (Again, why search for something that's already happened? Or... if my memory serves me, Holbrook still plays at New Mexico State or something... why would there be a mock draft with him in it in AUGUST?!?)
tulane wendall octave (More of people searching for football players, I guess.)
wwe.com (Here's a suggestion, mate. Go to wwe.com instead of searching for it on Google! Idiot.)

And that's it for this week's exciting edition of Fun with Keywords! Tune in next week for more idiots and perverts finding my blog!

Fun with Keywords!

I have a counter somewhere on this site (I forget where), which counts how many hits I get to this bloggy thingy. It's a surprising amount - roughly 20 to 25 hits a day, which I'm very happy with. But a lot of those views come from Google Searches, which I'm also very happy with. Why? Because I get to see all the things people are searching for when they find my blog!

Some examples:

"candice michelle and pudding" (The one person the WWE is targeting with those matches has visited this blog!)
"ncaa 08 ____" x 1000000 (Honestly, there's about 7 or 8 searches that weren't something to do with NCAA Football 2008.)
"wwe.com videos on judgment day" (Why they clicked this link instead of WWE.com's, I don't know.)
"the great khali vs batista one man stand match" (Firstly, why would you want to know about a Great Khali match? Secondly, did this match ever happen? I don't think it did. I forget. Thirdly, one man stand match? What the hell?)
"youtube wrestlers winners" (This just confuses me.)
"watch video of edge winning the world heavyweight championship" (It's called YouTube, my friend. Use it.)
"youtube gravy" (Holy crap! Someone actually searching for gravy finds this site! It's a miracle!)

So there we have it. The weird... the boring... and that's about it. Maybe if I post some weird words in this post, I'll get stranger searches. Let's see...

HOT LESBIAN ACTION VIDEOS

SEX SEX SEX

FURRIES HOMEPAGE XXX

MACHINE EATS PERSON

FRIED DUCK HUNT

ELEPHANTS PLAYING SOCCER

Come on down, weirdos!

My blog is very valuable

Look how much money I would make if I sold this blog:

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Hoora- wait.

Damn.

I. R. Back

Hey guys, I'm back! Well, I've actually been home since the 23rd, but I've only now been bothered to post.

So... yeah. It was fun.

Alright then.

Bye bye bye

Alright, then. I'm off for a one month holiday to England and the US, so I won't be posting on here for a while.

So, I guess, until then, this is Max Laughton saying...

Drat.

Goodbye!

Family Guy does Star Wars

http://www.devilducky.com/media/62681/

Seth MacFarlane and Co., the producers of Family Guy, have been given permission from George Lucas to create a Star Wars parody with Family Guy characters. This is the ten minute trailer, and I've got to say, it's pretty funny. Although I think I'm right in saying everyone's sick of the old pedophile guy.

Lloyd Carr wants me to play for Michigan

Lloyd Carr, coach of the Michigan Wolverines football team, recently travelled to Australia to watch some crappy rugby team. Who cares about that. The important thing was something he said...

One of my goals is to get an Australian kid to Michigan. I will tell you this, there is no doubt there are a few kids here who could play American football.

Lloyd. Call me.

Bill Simmons, dead at however old he is

The Celtics get the #5 pick in the NBA Draft.

I sent an email to Simmons when I found out:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I can't wait to see what he writes on E!SPN tomorrow.

Oh, and visit Awful Announcing. I'm trying to get added to their 'Friends of AA" list, so I'm posting a link to them too. It, along with Kissing Suzy Kolber, are the only blogs I read every day.

The ever elusive... me!

Just got an iMac, so having some fun with the camera.

Not this. Anything but this.

Ladies and Gentlemen... the #1 contender to the WWE Championship stands at 7'3", and weighs in at 420 pounds. He hails from the Punjabi jungles of India... and is the worst wrestler ever. He is...

HORRIBLE!

No, no, no, no! Anything but this! Please! Raw this week started off great - Orton vs Edge was a heck of a match, and Umaga vs RVD wasn't half bad. But then the finish... are we sure Vince Russo didn't secretly resign with the WWE? We're not going to have a Punjabi Prison on a Pole match, right?

Shawn Michaels is laid out in the back. John Cena is found at the scene of the crime. Along with Val Venis, though, so it's not like that means anything. We suspect Edge. Then, later, we see Edge has been attacked as well. Thoughts come running through my head - is he faking? Was it Orton? Well, it wasn't Orton, because HE was then attacked in the back. Who would do such a thing?

WRRRAAAPPPPAAADDDOOOOOO, and THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! Mr. John Cena. He gets on the mic and tells the attacker to, "COME GET SOME!" Who's going to come out and challenge him? Who was the culprit?? How many more question marks can I use?!?!?

(Insert Indian Music here.)

And the hearts of the millions of WWE fans sink as the Great Khali comes out. He beats up Cena (a mild cheer from the IWC), but the Champ fights back. He gets Khali up for the FU- wait a minute. He gets Khali up for the FU?

There goes the WWE ruining the only - the ONLY - interesting thing about this possible match. Cena is the new Hogan, according to Vincent Kennedy McMahon, we all know that. Meanwhile, Khali is big. Who else is big? Lexington Steele. I don't mean in that department, self. Big Show. He's injured and semi-retired. Big John Studd. Dead. Who's Big John Studd? ...wait, you just named him. I was just putting words together. Oh. Right.

No, of course, I'm talking about Andre the Giant. Ohhhhhhhh! Shut up. What happened at Wrestlemania 3? King Kong Bundy beating up midgets? No, apart from that. What I am referring to, of course, is Hulk Hogan slamming Andre. Rumors were all over the web about Wrestlemania 23 and the possibility of this being done as a 20th anniversary kind of thing, with Hogan coming back to slam the Great Khali, but of course Hogan is an idiot so nothing happened there.

But, I'm sure Vincent still wants to commemorate that moment. Thus, we get the new Hogan against the new Andre. Make a bit of sense, it does. But then they go and spoil this moment that they could have done at a Pay Per View by wasting it on Raw! What the hell?!?

I can see what Vincent is trying to do here, though. He's not deaf - he hears the chants. Whole arenas booing his supposedly super-face WWE Champion John Cena is not what Vincent wants. Thus, he sends someone that people are going to boo more than they boo Cena. It does make a bit of sense, but honestly. No-one is booing Khali because he is a heel. People boo Khali because he is one of the worst wrestlers in the history of wrestling. Being tall does not make you a good wrestler! Height does not equal ability, Vince! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Please, Vince. I'd rather see you with the title than Khali. Oh, wait, you already have the title. Silly me.

Eugh.

I woke up at 1AM to watch the Packers pick a defensive tackle? That frustrates me.

Apart from that, the draft was quite interesting. It was actually the first draft I was able to watch live - 2 years ago I didn't know how to watch it, and last year I was in Sydney when it happened - and it was fun to see the picks and coverage live instead of just reading everything on E!SPN the next morning.

Good to see the Packers are building for 2015, though.

Real 100th post!

WOOOO THIS IS ACTUALLY IT YEAH

100th post!

WOOOOOOOOOO

GO ME

EDIT: Front page of Blogger, you lie! This isn't my 100th post...

What do you guys want?

For the few of you who actually read... well, have read this blog at one point or are reading it now because you followed some sort of link, what do you want from this blog?

More videos?

More writing?

Any suggestions welcome. Comment to this post with them.

Thanks in advance.

I'm an idiot

I play this game with my friends in the car where the driver controls the radio, and we have to try and guess what songs are being played. This sounds simple, except me and my friends have little to no music knowledge. I couldn't name the #1 song in Australia (or anywhere else for that matter) right now.

So today I was playing it again. It was 2-1 (a point for each song correct, it was only a short trip). I was 1. We pulled into the driveway, and I was allowed one last chance to tie the game. What came on?

I don't know. Some song I don't know. Except... I do. Kinda sorta.

It was the song that the guy used in that "How to Kill a Brand" song, about the PS3 (as of writing, at the bottom of this page.) My friend had no idea what the song was. I only knew that. So what did I do?

I started singing the words to that.

"Sony, you went wrong, with your PS3
I'll just keep playing my 360
Hope this song has helped, you understand
Now you know how you killed your brand"

My friend laughed, knowing the song. The driver did not understand what I was on about.

Needless to say, I lost.

Which Sports Car Are You?

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Appalachian State promotional video: The running diary

After posting the video, I'm now going to record my thoughts about it while watching it. Doesn't that sound like fun!

For reference, here's the video again:



(Time is counting down)



2:12 - In the beginning... horrible word-art animation was abundant.
2:07 - Ooh, it's going places? They've figured out how to make large masses of land move! Cool!



1:59 - Look at those smiling faces. It's so cute it just makes you want to barf.

Wait, no, it doesn't.

1:53 - Your dreeeeeeeeeams come truuuuuuuuuue!
1:44 - Chorus time! Sing it with me!

HOT! HOT! HOT!

HOT! HOT! HOT!

Appalachian's HOT HOT HOT!



1:42 - Book returning is HOT HOT HOT!



1:37 - Christ, how big of douchebags are these guys?
1:30 - Oh yeah! Nothing I love more than an extended guitar solo!



1:25 - Guitar still going... nerd alert!
1:21 - Saxomophone! Fuck yes!
1:16 - And the keyboard! This is practically orgasmic!



1:04 - This being a bit more appropriately hot.



1:00 - Her hair is HOT HOT HOT!
0:56 - Why is everyone standing and cheering in what appears to be a cinema?
0:54 - FIRE! HOT HOT HOT!



0:49 - A tradition of old men in suits, no doubt.
0:47 - What in the hell does "speaking the language of a brave new year," mean? That makes no sense, whatsoever! You can't speak the language of a year, nor can a year be brave!
0:43 - Right, because the world wasn't aware of a new day dawning, and needs mountain men from the 80's to tell them about it.
0:40 - MountAINeer! (high note, w00t!)



0:38 - Sweet zombie jesus, what the hell is happening here? Is she having a seizure? Are we sure she's OK?
0:36 - No, you don't have the best students and teachers in the country. That's just boastful.



0:33 - Loyal alumni, we've got a lot? (That girl looks like Kari Byron or whatever her name is from Mythbusters.)
0:30 - Proud as a peacock. Yeah.
0:25 - Scary mascot, football... this video has got everything.
0:23 - And to reinforce the point, flaming words! HOT HOT HOT!
0:21 - Now there's a guy going OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH in the background.



0:13 - Better...



0:08 - Whoa! A change up! Even when the weather is COLD COLD COLD! Appalachian is...



HOT HOT HOT!

(Nice effect. NOT NOT NOT!)

Super Bowl Prediction

Hmm.

I haven't really thought about it.

The eternal question...

Colts or Bears.

On one hand, everyone and their dog's grandma are picking the Colts, giving the Bears reason to play harder. On the other hand, there's a reason everyone's picking the Colts.

Makes sense to me.

Colts, 24-21. (I picked the final score of Super Bowl 39 exactly right, you know.)

Do I want to be famous?

I was just reading about the 2007 Blog awards, I forget what exactly they're called. It doesn't matter. The important thing is that I want to be in them next year.

How, you may ask? I have no clue. What does one need to do to have a good blog? Indeed, what does one need to do to get people to read his or her blog?

Well, I could write about things, and stuff. Real things, maybe, instead of my dynasty or whatever. I fancy myself as a future sportswriter, so doing that would certainly be an idea (and maybe I will).

But the thing is, do I really want to have readers? Do I really want this blog to be good?

I don't know, is the answer to that question.

The premise sounds good, sure. Get lots of popularity, if you could call it that, maybe make a bit of cash on the side, stuff like that. But what good would come of being famous on the internet?

People stalking you could be a negative possibility. No-one wants that. Except, you know, if you get turned on by that sort of thing. I don't. I'm not telling you what turns me on.

(Not gay!)

But if people know you, how is that good? The whole point of the internet is sort of to have a second life, if you will. Not Second Life itself, that thing's full of weirdos. Like the internet. But on the internet you're anonymous. No-one knows who you are! You can be who you want to be! That's the point of the whole thing!

The internet is full of, to be honest, nerds and geeks. I would classify myself as one of those. Whichever one is less derogatory of course. People who have real lives which aren't so great - whether it's getting picked on, or not having a very good social life, etc. That's why they come on the Internet! So they can go on forums and post whatever they feel - no-one knows who they really are, and somewhere out there on this big series of tubes will be someone who agrees with them!

So, being famous on the Internet. Think about it for a second. It would take away the one thing that the Internet gives you - anonymity.

It'd be worse than you think.