Max's SummerSlam Preview

It's the biggest party of the summer!

(If I hear that one more time, I'm going to kill myself.)

What the hell is the theme music for SummerSlam supposed to be, anyways?

OH
WHY NOT
OH
WHY NOT
OH
WHY NOT
LOOK AT THE TACO

Something along those lines.

Yes, it is the 20th annual SummerSlam pay per view. I love the poster for this - it's so obvious that the WWE just copy-and-pasted Triple H's big head over the poster they had before, with Umaga and the Jackass crew on it.

I like SummerSlam. It's the second Pay Per View I ever ordered, after the Royal Rumble of 2002 (Maven dropkicked 'Taker out of the Rumble! Ha!). In fact, I think I've still got my VCR recording of SummerSlam '02. Shawn Michaels returned and beat Triple H, after which he got a sledgehammer in the back... the Rock lost the title to Brock Lesnar, who became (at the time) the youngest WWE champion in history (my young mark self couldn't watch that again, because I loved the Rock)... and I loved the theme music for it.

AND EVERY TIME... YOU THINK THAT YOU'VE GOT ME...
I WILL FIGHT YOU
AND I WILL PUT YOU IN THE GROUND...

A quick look at the card for SummerSlam 2002 shows that 2 of the participants are dead, 5 work/worked for TNA, one is semi-retired, one's WWE future is in doubt and one is in MMA or Japan or whatever Lesnar's doing at the moment. But enough nostalgia and badly remembered lyrics, on to the PPV.

Let's take a look and see what we've got going on here...

WWE SLUTS BATTLE ROYAL
Winner becomes #1 contender for WWE Women's Title
Michelle McCool vs. Kristal Marshall vs. Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Cherry vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Brooke vs. Layla vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James vs. Melina vs. Jillian Hall vs. Maria

That's a lot of sluts. Anyways, this will obviously be a battle of epic proportions. I'm predicting a five-star match here. Wait, no I'm not. This'll suck, duh. Let's look at the possible winners here, though. There's basically 5 women I see having a chance in this one: Michelle McCool, Victoria, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James and Melina. Even then, it's really only the last three who have a shot, because I don't see the WWE putting the Women's Title on Smackdown, where there's, what, 4 women? That wouldn't work. Beth Phoenix might be getting a bit of a push, but I love Mickie, and her heel turn on Raw (that was a heel turn, right?) indicates she might be facing Candice in the future.

Here is your winner... Kenny Dysktra's wife! (Lucky bugger.)

FINLAY vs KANE

This is one of a few throwaway matches the WWE could have put on this card. They could have had a tag title match, they could have had a second ECW match, but no, they put this on SummerSlam. I've got nothing against these two guys: Finlay's an excellent wrestler, and Kane's been a hard worker for his entire career. I just don't know if this was needed on SummerSlam. Alright, time to pick a winner. I've always seen SummerSlam as more of a mark's pay per view - kids aren't at school so they can order it, and it's advertised as more fun than OMG DEATH DEATH DEATH like, say, Unforgiven. Thus, I've gotta go with the face here.

Here is your winner... MY GAWD THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE THE BIG RED MACHINE

TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Umaga (c) vs Mr. Kennedy vs Carlito

Is there even a face in this match? I guess it's Umaga, but even then... hmm. It's tough to pick, this one. At least for me. Well, now that I think about it, not really. Kennedy's getting a push, with the whole Vince's kid angle (OMG SPOILER). I presume that, anyways. And he's not going for the title for a while, because Orton's going to win it on this PPV, then Triple H'll win it, then Kennedy will feud with Hunter. It makes sense. So, they'll give Kennedy the strap now, and then make him give it up to, say, Cody Rhodes some time in the future (I doubt that, I'm just throwing a name out there) before he faces Trips.

Here is your winner... and NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION... MISSTTERRRRRRRR KENNNNNEDDYYYY... KENNEDY...

ECW CHAMPIONSHIP
John Morrison (c) vs CM Punk

In my opinion, ECW is the best of the three shows at the moment, as strange as it sounds. At the very least, they're doing the most with the least. Only three people on the roster weren't on last week's show - Marcus Cor Von, Mike Knox, and Nunzio. Which is saying something about how damn small the ECW roster is. This is the best part. I love John Morrison - he's actually got an interesting character to go along with his terrific wrestling! And Punk is just awesome, with his ability in the ring and outside of it. I'm actually interested in how this match turns out, which is strange for me, and I'm going to downlo- I mean, acquire this pay per view simply because of this match. But who's gonna win? I don't know. I want to go with Morrison. I think he might retain, because I don't think the WWE, World Heavyweight, Intercontinental AND ECW titles will change hands on the same PPV. But I also think it's gonna be third time lucky for Punk. Tell you what, I'll flip a coin. Heads, it's Morrison, tails, it's Punk. (I'm actually doing this.)

And...

Punk wins the title.

Here is your winner... and NEW ECW CHAMPION... (the IWC collectively orgasms)... CM PUNK

REY MYSTERIO vs CHAVO GUERRERO

Eugh. In comparison to the ECW title match, which I care about, I don't give a damn AT ALL who wins this one. I just can't take Chavo seriously as a main eventer. I hated this feud before Rey's surgery, and I hate it now. Just go back to Kerwin White, Chavo. As for Rey? He's a good wrestler, and likeable, I suppose. I'm just not that interested in him. Rey's gonna win, obviously, that's a no-brainer - but I'm probably going to skip through this match when I watch it.

Here is your winner... BOOYAKAH BOOYAKAH 6-1-9

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
The Great Khali with his translator guy (c) vs Batista

Another eugh match. But the eugh this time is because it's going to be epically horrible. Honestly, the most entertaining part of this "feud" has been Khali crushing the flat basketball. That's it. Batista has had 9 - yes, NINE - unsuccessful title shots, and despite this he's getting another one. That's just bullshit. I hate Batista. I hate Khali. I hate this match. Batista's going to win, because the dirtsheets said so (Batista's gonna win, and if Khali can put on a good enough match he'll get a stipulation match rematch at Unforgiven). Stupid Smackdown main event scene.

Here is your winner... and NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... BALDTITSTA

TRIPLE H vs KING BOOKER

I like the fact that with Hunter's booking powers, he's put this as the second match on the list at the WWE.com SummerSlam site, above all of the matches I've already written about. That's what you get when you fuck the boss's daughter, I guess. Look, I don't care about this, either. I don't like Triple H, particularly. I like Booker, but his matches have been poor, lately (not that he's had good competition). Obviously, Big Nose'll win... and that's really all I have to say about this.

Here is your winner... I-UH... AM-UH... THE GAME-UH...

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
John Cena (c) vs Randy Orton

I take back what I said about the ECW title match. This is why I want to watch SummerSlam. But, why, you ask? The match won't be very good, no. But I just want to see one pay per view end without Cena's music playing. For once. I don't like Cena. I love Orton - the pose, the ho's, the RKOs. And I'm 95% that he's gonna win. Which is freaking awesome.

Come on, Orton. Do it for the IWC. Please. We've Cena-nuff.

Here is your winner... and NEW WWE CHAMPION... neeooooouuuwwwwww HEY!

Enjoy the show!

Dear anyone who didn't enjoy Monday night's Raw,

Calm down.

Now, I may be being hypocritical here, but a post to say someone didn't like Raw was definitely not needed. Indeed, this may not be needed, if I'm just saying I liked Raw, but I'm not.

I agree, Raw was not a great wrestling show this week. Key word in that sentence: wrestling. Vince said it himself this week: the WWE is an Entertainment company. It's World Wrestling Entertainment. And I was extremely entertained by Raw this week.

It started off great - Sandman being the GM would have been hilarious:

Cena: SANDMAN, I WANT A MATCH WITH UMAGA! TONIGHT!

...Sandman?

Sandman: *smashes beer can against forehead, chases him out of office with cane*

But Regal being the GM was the best possible scenario. As soon as the match was announced, I thought, "REGAL FOR GM REGAL FOR GM". Regal wanted a push on Raw, he got it. I loved this - one of my biggest mark-out moments I can remember. Although that's a bit sad.

The WWE Dating Game skit was hilarious, too. Regal burns the contestants at the start. Simmons has a bigger vocabulary. Santino turns heel - heck, even Hacksaw was funny at times.

Vince was amusing. The call-back to the London grin on Vince's death march was amusing. Many other things were amusing - and the good parts were enough to cancel out the bad parts and still have goodness left over.

I think the IWC, as a whole, has become too negative. Yes, the good ol' days of wrestling were very good. But I think we have to put up with the fact that the WWE has moved on from this - they're never going to be that good again with Vince at the helm of the company.

The WWE has become more of an entertainment company. If you're reading this, you probably love wrestling - if you don't already, watch Ring of Honor. It's better than anything the WWE could ever put on in the squared circle.

Everyone needs to just watch the WWE, and realise that it's not going to be that pure wrestling promotion that we all want it to be. We're a vocal minority, and the majority of wrestling fans - marks - are gonna put up with RAPPPAADDDOOOOO, Batshitista, and others with little to no wrestling ability. As the title says...

Enjoy the show!

Although the less said about a possible Vince-Steph incest angle, the better. Eugh.

One Night Stand Predictions Recap

Well, I didn't do too badly. Let's take a look at the numbers:

Max's Predictions:
Judgment Day, 2007: 5/7 (71%)
One Night Stand, 2007: 6/8 (75%)

Running Total: 11/15 (73.333%)

Meh. I'm happy with that.

Max's One Night Stand Preview

one-night stand - noun

1. a single performance in one locale, as by a touring theatrical company, before moving on to the next engagement.
2. (slang) a one-night sex partner; sexual intercourse with a one-night partner
3. ANOTHER BLOODY PAY PER VIEW

Yes, it's another WWE pay per view, just 2 weeks after Judgment Day (and one night after Saturday Night's Main Event, for that matter, although to be fair that wasn't a PPV.) One could call this Judgment Day Part II, Revenge of the Heels (or something), with the amount of rematches we have on this card. There's 2 one-on-one rematches, which doesn't include Vincent Kennedy McMahon vs Bobby Lindsey (Judgment Day: Vincent, Shane and Umaga vs Lindsey), and the Six-Man Tag Team Tables Match (JD: CM Punk vs Elijah Burke).

OK, so there is a few new matches, but certainly not many good ones. Kane vs Mark Henry in a Lumberjack Match? That doesn't even make any sense - almost all of the lumberjacks will be smaller than the competitors. That's not very threatening! Rob Van Overacting vs Another Headlock Randy in a Stretcher match? Orton's going to chin-lock RVD to sleep and then slowly lower him onto the stretcher! Melina vs Candice in a PUDDING MATCH?!? THAT IS NOT EXTREME, VINCE! EXTREME!!!! EC-DUB IS EXTREME!!!11! Oh, but some people will say, "But Max, Candice has been improving lately and now she's one of the best women wrestlers!" That's like saying I have syphillis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Sure, then you've got the Ladder Match between the Hardys and the World's Greatest Tag Team. If you read this blog often, you'll know my thoughts on this match already. I very much like it, although it could have been better. This is irrelevant though, onto the matches.

Kane vs Mark Henry
Lumberjack Match

I couldn't be less looking forward to this. This match was created because on Smackdown, these two guys had a horrible match which ended with a bear hug on the floor which forced Kane to be counted out. Yes, you read that correctly. My god, it even sounds horrible. So then new assistant General Manager Vickie Guerrero (ewwwwwwwwww) made this match for One Night Stand. If it's possible to hate her even more, I do now.

Picking a winner... I dunno. The World's Sweatiest Man got the upper hand on Smackdown, so...

Here is your winner, THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE MY GAWD ITS KANE

Rob Van Dam vs Randy Orton
Stretcher Match

This came about after some crap on WWE.com where RVD didn't like what Orton did to HBK, so Orton requested a match, and then he beat him up, and then Van Dam oversold the RKO, and so on until we got to here. I expect this match to be full of headlocks (Orton) and botches (RVD). Great, just great. I would pick RVD to win, but he's on the outs with the WWE. I would pick Orton to win, but he is too, along with the fact that he had the upper hand on WWE TV this week. I dunno, I'll just guess...

Here is your winner, Another Headlock Randy?

CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer and the Sandman vs the New Breed (Elijah Burke, Matt Striker and Marcus Cor Von)
Six-Man Tag Team Tables Match

This has a possibility of being good. Remember some of the hardcore matches that have been on ECW recently? (The four-way dance, New Breed vs Originals to name the ones I mean.) This could end up something like this. Now, I'm not sure how exactly this will work. Does every man need to go through a table, or just one? I'm hoping all three, otherwise this might get cut short for that all-important pudding match. Eugh. Anyways, this is a bit of a difficult decision too. The heels need to win something on this PPV to balance it out, and Jobby Dreamer is on the other team. But, I don't see Punk losing. I'm torn. Hmm...

Here is your winner, the team with the logo that looks like some sort of shaving logo, AKA the New Breed

The Hardys (Matt and Jeff) vs the World's Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas)
Ladder Match
World Tag Team Championship

Well, this one's an easy pick. This'll probably be one of the best matches on the card, simply because the rest of the card isn't very good. Also, the fact that we've got Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy (botches and all) and Shelton Benjamin running around using ladders. And Charlie Haas isn't that bad either. (I was probably a bit mean to him in my last post.) Of course, the WGTT isn't going to win, that wouldn't make any sense. The Hardys'll win this... although, I just thought of something. Cade and Murdoch looked pissed after realising they weren't getting the title shot at One Night Stand. Maybe they'll interfere and give the WGTT the win...

Nah.

Here is your winner, (insert teenage girls screaming)

Melina vs Candice Michelle
Pudding Match

Three burning questions for this match:

1) How is a Pudding Match classified as, 'Extreme Rules'?
2) In which alternate universe is Melina classified as attractive?
3) How bad is this going to be?

I mean, really? These two aren't the worst women wrestlers the WWE has, I admit. Mickie, Victoria and maybe a few others are better, but Melina is alright and Candice is improving (although you already know I compared her to a STD before. And not the wrestling move.) But two women prone to botches in a puddle of pudding (nice alliteration, self) isn't going to be very entertaining. Wrestling-wise, at least. Still, we need a winner. Uhh... heck, they're pushing Candice to the moon... oh, wait, this is non-title. I didn't realise that. Yeah, now she's definitely winning.

Here is your winner, WOOOO GO DADDY YEAH WOO [/king]

Edge vs Batista
Steel Cage Match
World Heavyweight Championship

It's already been said a bazilliontrillionquadrillionmillionalotof times, but:

a) WHY IS BATISTA GETTING ANOTHER REMATCH, and
b) WHY IS SMACKDOWN PUTTING ON ANOTHER STEEL CAGE MATCH

Stupid Teddy Long. Look - Edge has been promised a long title run by the WWE, and Batista sucks, so...

Here is your winner, and STILL World Heavyweight Champion, ON THIS DAY I SEE CLEARLY

Mr. McMahon vs Bobby Lashley
Street Fight
ECW Championship

I love the fact that because Vincent loves Lindsey (and himself), the ECW title is being made more important than the World Heavyweight Title. It's above that match on the One Night Stand site, anyways, I don't know if it's more important. It's certainly not more prestigious - the belt my dad wears to work every day would be more prestigious than the ECW title at this point. OK, the match. Obviously, Lindsey's going to win. Vince has held the title for too long and he loves Lindsey too much to keep it off him for two months.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Tampion (as he would say), Bobby Lindsey

John Cena vs the Great Khali
Pinfalls Count Anywhere
WWE Championship

Note the wording there: pinfalls count anywhere. None of that best submission move ever, the STFU, this time. I'd just like to bring to your attention the poll on the front page of the One Night Stand site:

Did John Cena make a mistake accepting a Pinfalls Count Anywhere Match with the Great Khali?

Yes. The Great Khali has repeatedly manhandled him and has never been pinned. 46.05%
No. The Champ will overcome the odds as always. 53.94%

I just find this amusing in so many ways. "The Champ." "Overcome the odds as always." Oh, WWE, you crack me up. But the results show that the fans aren't stupid. We know Cena never loses. He ALWAYS overcomes the odds. I believe that the only way to defeat Cena would be to team him up with someone like Bobby Lashley who also always overcomes the odds and put him against someone like Val Venis, or Eugene. Then there's no odds to overcome. This happened on Raw when Cenashley faced Shane-O-Mac and the two non-English speaking and thus heels. So, as we know, as always (sigh)...

Here is your winner, and STILL WWE Champion, RAPAADDDOOOOOOOOOO

A waste of a great opportunity

The Hardys vs The World's Greatest Tag Team in a Ladder Match. It's a wet dream for some IWC smarks. But, yet, it could have been better. Let me explain.

Some of the best matches in WWE history were contested in the Tables, Ladders and Chairs variant, between the Hardys, Edge and Christian, and the Dudley Boys. Why not try and recreate this with the teams we've got now? Think about it:

The Hardys = The Hardys

Duh.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas = Edge and Christian

Two very talented wrestlers combined to make a tag team. Although they obviously don't have the charisma of E&C, Shelton could be (if used correctly) a future WWE champ due to his incredible natural abilities, while Haas is pretty good, as far as jobbers go.

Cade and Murdoch = The Dudley Boys

Two not particularly talented wrestlers. Brawlers. Big guys. But still, entertaining. Cade and Murdoch obviously don't have the experience or the hardcoreness of the Dudleys, but they're still pretty close.

Obviously, they're not going to get a match like the original TLC matches. They were fresh, new, inventive, insert other superlatives here. WGTT and Cade and Murdoch probably aren't as good as E&C and the Dudleys, either, although that's certainly arguable. And the Hardys aren't as OMG XTREME as they used to be. But, still. We could have had some great nostalgia value with a three-way TLC match including the Hardys, two big guys and some talented wrestlers.

It'd be like the old days... except not as good.

Hmm. That sounds like a general thing you could say about wrestling today.

Judgment Day Predictions Recap

One of the most predictable Pay Per Views in recent memory, and I get two matches wrong. I don't really have a future in fortune telling, it seems. But what I'm going to do from this point is add up how many predictions at WWE Pay Per Views I get right.

Max's Predictions:
Judgment Day, 2007: 5/7 (71%)

Running Total: 5/7 (71%)

Max's Judgment Day Preview

I thought Judgment was spelt Judgement. Oh well. Onwards to the Pay Per View Preview! Payperpreview! Payview! Show.

We enter Judgment Day at a bit of a down spot for the WWE. Not only are Mr. Kennedy and the Undertaker injured, but Shawn Michaels is apparently injured now! Although he'll still work at Judgment Day. And then we have the actual Judgment Day card - it's looking great at some points (Benoit/MVP) while also ranging from bad (Edge/Batista) to really bad (Lashley vs the McMahons and Umaga) to so bad it could be good (Khali/Cena). I'm not going to go into details about how the WWE is going downhill or something, because it's not all their fault, but things definitely could be better.

But let's move on to the preview now. 7 matches, and I'll run them down from bottom of the list on WWE to the top. Actually, wait. Two things, first:

1) Why is Kane the main focus on the WWE.com Judgment Day site? I'm guessing him and the Boogeyman are going to be added at the last minute taking on That 50's Team or something.

2) There's a little section, again on the Judgment Day mini-site, mentioning the history of Judgment Day - and it mentions "Rey Mysterio's underdog World Championship defense against JBL." Don't get me (or anyone else on this blog, surely) about how that title reign sucked.

But now let's actually begin it, after three times of trying to do so.

Actually, no. This isn't joking, I actually just thought of something. Are they going to add a women's title match to this card? Melina vs Candice, maybe? We'll see. NOW let us finally begin.

Carlito vs Ric Flair

Not much to say about this one. Flair will win, because at the end of this feud Carlito will go over, as Flair has done throughout his career (put younger talent over). That's what he does. I'm sure this won't be a particularly good match, but I'm at least confident on the result.

Here is your winner, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton

HBK vs RKO. Abbreviation vs abbreviation. This match is taking place for the simple fact that both of these guys need to be on the pay per view. No feud, no backstory, just wrestling. Or rest holds, in Orton's case. The supposed injury to Michaels puts a bit of a spanner in the works of my original prediction (Michaels over). They might let Randy win just because Shawn's gonna be out for a little bit. But, I don't think they will.

Here is your winner, Shawn "Praise Jesus" Michaels

Elijah Burke vs CM Punk

Ah, now this'll be a good match. If the WWE actually gives these guys the time they deserve - say, 20 minutes - they could put on a 4-star match. Oh, wait, no star ratings. OK then, they could put on a damn good match. But, they'll probably end up with a 10 minute slot. Which makes this a lot like the Benoit/MVP match at WrestleMania 23. I hope this is that good. Right, now to picking a winner. Hmm... I think Punk'll go over in this feud, which I don't think will end at this PPV, so...

Here is your winner, the Elijah Experience

Chris Benoit (c) vs Montel Vontavious Porter
United States Championship
2 out of 3 falls match

Now THIS is gonna be great. By default, any match with Chris Benoit is great. Then you add MVP, who's improving every day. Then you make it 2 out of 3 falls?!? Holy shit, I'm excited for this. I'm going to downlo- I mean, acquire this PPV just because of this match. And maybe the comedy of live Khali. But I look for this to be great. It was set up well on Smackdown when Benoit beat MVP without using one of his finishers (he used a roll-up), showing how this match won't require Crossfaces and Playmakers to get the job done. Benoit retained at WM, and I think MVP is ready for a belt, so...

Here is your winner, as Bill Parcells would say, the guy who is supposed to be like "The Player"

Bobby Lashley vs Mr. McMahon (c), Shane McMahon and Umaga
ECW Championship

Is it just me, or has Vincent become more black than Lindsay over the past few weeks? Honestly, when we had the Coach, Lindsay and Vincent in the ring on Raw this past week, Vincent was the blackest person there. He really is quite an entertaining character, even if I'm a bit sick of him. But to the match, and I think it's pretty obvious who is going to win. Lindsay will pin Vincent, as long as he hasn't been doing drugs or trashed a hotel room that we haven't heard about. As far as I know, Vincent still loves Lindsay, so he'll regain the title. And then probably face Snitsky. Oh, I can't wait for that.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Champion, Bobby Lindsay

Edge (c) vs Batista
World Heavyweight Championship

First of all, I've got to talk about the Judgment Day site preview of this match. "As first reported by WWE Mobile Alerts," they write. OMG! Mobile alerts! Readers, if you are subscribed to this service, please tell me so I can come to your house and slap you across the face. Secondly, this: "Speculation within the SmackDown locker room holds that Long was purely incensed by the calculative, vulture-like manner in which Edge won the gold in Pittsburgh." Insert laughter here. Speculation within the locker room? Vulture-like manner? You're killing me, WWE. Alright, the match. Batista shouldn't even be getting a title shot - he lost to 'Taker three times. One would think he's used up his rematch clause. And it would be a complete insult to Money in the Bank if Edge loses the title so quickly. So...

Here is your winner, ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY

John Cena (c) vs the Great Khali
WWE Championship

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this match. Do I cheer Cena? Do I cheer Khali? Wait, I know what I'm cheering for. I'm cheering for botches. I'm cheering for screw-ups. I'm cheering for Khali to injure Cena. I'm cheering for everything to go completely wrong. I'm actually looking forward to this match, for the simple fact that it's going to be so bad. When John Cena's caryring a match which has no stipulations (Cena/Umaga at the Rumble was pretty good), you know you've got a problem. I don't know if Cena's going to win, but I just can't see Khali with the belt. I mean, who'd win it back off him? Cena? That'd be pointless. So...

Here is your winner, WRRRRAAAPPPAAADDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Not this. Anything but this.

Ladies and Gentlemen... the #1 contender to the WWE Championship stands at 7'3", and weighs in at 420 pounds. He hails from the Punjabi jungles of India... and is the worst wrestler ever. He is...

HORRIBLE!

No, no, no, no! Anything but this! Please! Raw this week started off great - Orton vs Edge was a heck of a match, and Umaga vs RVD wasn't half bad. But then the finish... are we sure Vince Russo didn't secretly resign with the WWE? We're not going to have a Punjabi Prison on a Pole match, right?

Shawn Michaels is laid out in the back. John Cena is found at the scene of the crime. Along with Val Venis, though, so it's not like that means anything. We suspect Edge. Then, later, we see Edge has been attacked as well. Thoughts come running through my head - is he faking? Was it Orton? Well, it wasn't Orton, because HE was then attacked in the back. Who would do such a thing?

WRRRAAAPPPPAAADDDOOOOOO, and THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! Mr. John Cena. He gets on the mic and tells the attacker to, "COME GET SOME!" Who's going to come out and challenge him? Who was the culprit?? How many more question marks can I use?!?!?

(Insert Indian Music here.)

And the hearts of the millions of WWE fans sink as the Great Khali comes out. He beats up Cena (a mild cheer from the IWC), but the Champ fights back. He gets Khali up for the FU- wait a minute. He gets Khali up for the FU?

There goes the WWE ruining the only - the ONLY - interesting thing about this possible match. Cena is the new Hogan, according to Vincent Kennedy McMahon, we all know that. Meanwhile, Khali is big. Who else is big? Lexington Steele. I don't mean in that department, self. Big Show. He's injured and semi-retired. Big John Studd. Dead. Who's Big John Studd? ...wait, you just named him. I was just putting words together. Oh. Right.

No, of course, I'm talking about Andre the Giant. Ohhhhhhhh! Shut up. What happened at Wrestlemania 3? King Kong Bundy beating up midgets? No, apart from that. What I am referring to, of course, is Hulk Hogan slamming Andre. Rumors were all over the web about Wrestlemania 23 and the possibility of this being done as a 20th anniversary kind of thing, with Hogan coming back to slam the Great Khali, but of course Hogan is an idiot so nothing happened there.

But, I'm sure Vincent still wants to commemorate that moment. Thus, we get the new Hogan against the new Andre. Make a bit of sense, it does. But then they go and spoil this moment that they could have done at a Pay Per View by wasting it on Raw! What the hell?!?

I can see what Vincent is trying to do here, though. He's not deaf - he hears the chants. Whole arenas booing his supposedly super-face WWE Champion John Cena is not what Vincent wants. Thus, he sends someone that people are going to boo more than they boo Cena. It does make a bit of sense, but honestly. No-one is booing Khali because he is a heel. People boo Khali because he is one of the worst wrestlers in the history of wrestling. Being tall does not make you a good wrestler! Height does not equal ability, Vince! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Please, Vince. I'd rather see you with the title than Khali. Oh, wait, you already have the title. Silly me.

Eugh.

I woke up at 1AM to watch the Packers pick a defensive tackle? That frustrates me.

Apart from that, the draft was quite interesting. It was actually the first draft I was able to watch live - 2 years ago I didn't know how to watch it, and last year I was in Sydney when it happened - and it was fun to see the picks and coverage live instead of just reading everything on E!SPN the next morning.

Good to see the Packers are building for 2015, though.

Covered in Gravy's 2007 NFL Mock Draft

Calvin Johnson may be the best player in the draft, but that doesn't mean he's going #1.

I'm only going to do the top 16 draft picks. Once you get past there, there are too many variables on who chose who etc to pick who is going to be chosen, never mind pick the 7th round (I'm looking at you, Todd McShay.)

1. Oakland Raiders
JaMarcus Russell, QB, Louisiana State

Russell is the right guy at the right time for the Oakland Raiders. Al Davis's hair is too in love with the deep ball to pass on JaMarcus and his cannon for an arm, although they could take Calvin Johnson in this spot. I just doubt it though.

2. Detroit Lions
Joe Thomas, OT, Wisconsin

The Etrit Lins (no 'D', no 'O') just signed two receivers. And although Matt Millen, the Lions GM, seemingly has a wide receiver fetish, I can't see them taking Calvin Johnson in this spot. Well, they could, but I doubt it, like I doubt the Raiders taking him. It's a shame that CJ is dropping this far, but Joe Thomas will be an anchor on the offensive line for years to come in the Motor City. Then again, who was the last offensive lineman taken at #2 by an NFC North team?

Tony Mandarich, if I'm not mistaken. Uh oh.

3. Cleveland Browns
Adrian Peterson, HB, Oklahoma

Some say that the Browns will take Brady Quinn. While that's certainly a possibility, I think they'll appease the fans and take AD. He's too good to pass up. Then again, you could say that about Calvin Johnson. Where the hell are you putting him, author of this piece?

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech

All the pieces fall into place as Calvin Johnson falls to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, according to this mock draft. The Bucs covet Johnson, and are willing to trade up to #2 to grab him, but I think they'll be lucky enough to get him at #4. You could compare this to the Saints getting Reggie Bush last year, in fact. Another NFC South team getting the most exciting player in the draft? Possibly.

5. Arizona Cardinals
Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson

The Cardinals want Joe Thomas, but any linemen - offensive or defensive - would be a welcome addition to their trenches. Adams is a heck of a player, and Ken Whisenhunt would be happy to welcome him to Phoenix.

6. Washington Redskins
Amobi Okoye, DT, Louisville

The Nigerian Nightmare, Round 2! No, it's not Christian Okoye, it's Amobi Okoye, a solid defensive tackle from...

Tom Jackson: Louisville!

A defensive tackle is the Skins' #1 need, so they'd be happy with Okoye, but they could trade with the Vikings or Dolphins if Brady Quinn is still on the board. But the Skins need defensive line help after setting a franchise record with only 19 sacks and finishing 27th versus the run in 2006.

7. Minnesota Vikings
Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame

The Vikings need quarterback help, if you ask me. Tavaris Jackson is not the answer, and Brad Johnson is gone now, so Quinn would certainly be an upgrade. Minny does have a problem with this pick, though. They do want Quinn, but their top two needs are WR (Calvin Johnson) and DE (Gaines Adams), and guess what? The top guys at those positions are gone. That's a bother. It would be too high to reach for a cornerback like Leon Hall from Michigan or Darrelle Revis out of Pittsburgh, so Quinn is the pick.

8. Atlanta Falcons (from Houston)
LaRon Landry, S, Louisiana State

No surprises here, as the Falcons get the best player at their biggest position of need. Landry started for 4 years at LSU, including playing as a freshman for the Tigers' National Championship winning team of 2003. As Atlanta has 10 picks in the draft, they could consider trading up to get Calvin Johnson, but it's unlikely as it would take their top three picks to move up to get him.

9. Miami Dolphins
Levi Brown, OT, Penn State

Another safe pick by me as the Fins get the best remaining player at their biggest position of need. As of writing, Miami has not signed Trent Green from the Kansas City Chiefs, although it seems likely they will do so and in doing so lose Daunte Culpepper, who could then go to Oakland or something and cause all kinds of problems. If Miami does not have Green by the time the draft rolls around, they could move up to get Brady Quinn, but for now, the Dolphins are taking Brown, according to me.

10. Houston Texans
Leon Hall, CB, Michigan

DT Alan Branch, also a Wolverine, would be a consideration here but the final choice would be Hall, the best cornerback in the draft. A possibility by Houston could be trading with Miami and moving up to get Levi Brown, but I feel the Texans will stick with Leon and get a quality starter opposite Dunta Robinson.

11. San Francisco 49ers
Adam Carriker, DE, Nebraska

The Niners need strong and fast defensive linemen for their 3-4, and they'd get one in Carriker. Alan Branch and MLB Patrick Willis would also be considerations here, but the nod will go to Carriker, if all goes the way I think it will. Don't think that San Fran couldn't trade down though, like they did last year.

12. Buffalo Bills
Patrick Willis, MLB, Ole Miss

Sure, the Bills have been known to reach for players in the first round (see: Donte Whitner and John McCargo last year), but they won't do so this year and choose Marshawn Lynch who would fill their most pressing need at halfback. No, the Bills will choose tackling machine Patrick Willis, who was the lone bright spot at Mississippi last season. Another possibility in this spot is Darrelle Revis, the cornerback from Pittsburgh.

13. St. Louis Rams
Alan Branch, DT, Michigan

The Rams always have trouble on defense, and that side of the ball would be helped out greatly by picking Alan Branch out of...

Tom Jackson: Michigan!

Branch has an inconsistent motor and a potential for durability issues, but he's still a very solid defensive tackle who'll clog up the middle and allow the other defensive linemen to get to the quarterback, along with stopping the run. If Patrick Willis is available, though, don't be surprised to see him go to St. Louis.

14. Carolina Panthers
Greg Olsen, TE, Miami (FL)

Olsen, out of...

Michael Irvin: Da U!

Get out of here, Irvin, you don't even work for ESPN anymore! Jeesh. Anyways, I'm going with the seemingly unanimous mock draft choice here and saying Olsen...

Michael Irvin: Da U!

GO AWAY! Bloody hell. Olsen- SHUT UP IRVIN- has the speed to take pressure of WR's Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson, along with being the Panthers' biggest need. So that makes sense.

15. Pittsburgh Steelers
Paul Posluszny, OLB, Penn State

Yes, Lawrence Timmons out of Florida State might make a bit more sense here, but I think that Pittsburgh will take the hometown hero in Poz and make the fans happy. It's the least they could do after last season (they lost to the Raiders, for crying out loud!). Outside linebacker is the Steelers' biggest need due to the loss of Joey Porter, and Poz will fill that gap quite well.

16. Green Bay Packers
Marshawn Lynch, HB, California

As a Packers fan, I'm torn. I'd be happy with Lynch. He's a very solid running back. But, I also wouldn't mind the Pack taking Ted Ginn Jr., from the Ohio State University. Then again, the Buckeyes suck. (Michigan fan speaking.) Ginn would be a beast to play with on Madden, and that's really all I care about, but Lynch makes more sense. Although my absolute favourite thing for Green Bay to do would be to trade up and get Adrian Peterson. Either way, we really do need a halfback after the loss of Ahman Green (I don't think Vernand Morency or Noah Herron are the answers to the running back dilemma), so Lynch would be good.

And there you have it. Probably wrong, but hey, I don't see you doing a mock draft, Mr. Hypocritical. Unless you did. In which case, I'm completely wrong, aren't I. Bugger.

Week 10, 2007: dshban's Opinion

Week 10 occurs

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- It certainly occured. I can vouch for that.

Well, actually it didn't, this isn't real. (OMG!)

I can't be bothered writing an analysis, but I'll still write something.

Uhh... mice.

Sailboats.

Seventy four.

Bowel movements.

Lost.

YouTube.

Mice sail boats while having 74 bowel movements, and watching Lost on YouTube?

Speaking of YouTube...

Week 10, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 9, 2007: dshban's Opinion

Holy...

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- Oh no.

In Week 9, a play - one single play - lasted for 21 minutes. Then, Wofford won.

The apocalypse is coming.

Week 9, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 8, 2007: dshban's Opinion

The Tennessee Cup is decided in Week 8

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- It was fitting that the creator of the Tennessee Cup, Thompson219, would have his team lose to decide the first one.

Tennessee State defeated Tennessee Tech, 34-14, giving the Tigers the first ever Tennessee Cup. They win a concert by an Elvis impersonator, and some Dixie... things. Give me a break, I'm Australian, I don't know what Dixie does. Martin Nolen of Tennessee Tech had a 95 yard kick return, the longest that has been actually played on my version of NCAA '07, but 192 yards and 2 touchdowns rushing from Michael Jackson gave TSU the win.

Appalachian State got their second win of the year - again in conference, and again on video - with a 23-6 victory over Jacksonville State. Freshman quarterback Ronnie Kucera went 9 of 14 for 215 yards and 2 touchdowns for the Mountaineers, while the best for the Gamecocks was ROLB #43 with 2 tackles and an interception. Jacksonville State drops to 3-5 while Appalachian State moves to 2-5.

Eastern Illinois lost a non-conference battle to Houston, 14-7. The 1-6 Panthers led 7-0 after a quarter, but Houston scored touchdowns in the second and third quarters for the win (FTW!). H. Taylor of Houston ran for 165 yards and a touchdown, while J. Jackson, the solid middle linebacker from EIU had 5 tackles, a TFL, an interception and a fumble recovery.

Furman lost their fourth on the trot with a 28-3 loss to Tennessee-Martin. The Skyhawks, who moved to 3-5 with the win, had conference leading rusher Michael Jackson run for 179 yards and 2 touchdowns. The best for the Paladins, who are now 2-5, was apparently J. Allen who had 5 tackles and an interception. Furman has now lost 4 in a row. Poor joshuahuskers.

Wofford vs Eastern Kentucky. Who do you think won?

WOFFORD! No. They didn't. The Colonels won, 28-9, moving to 5-2 overall and 5-0 in conference - they're 13-0 in ACC conference history! Wow. QB #15 went 21 of 35 for 219 yards, with 21 carries for 88 yards and 4 total touchdowns. Coach Elwood Blues, I'm guessing, is happy he's got a year after this, as he's a redshirt junior. ROLB #29 from the Terriers had 7 tackles, 2 tackles for a loss and a forced fumble.

And then SE Missouri State travelled to Samford, and performed a tad worse than taking EKU to triple overtime. They lost 14-42.

Maybe I was lying when I said a tad worse.

Samford's QB #12 went 29 of 41 for 282 yards with 4 touchdowns, while also rushing for 71 yards on 12 carries. QB #6 from SEMO tried to keep up, going 24 of 42 for 256 yards and 2 touchdowns, but it wasn't enough as the Redhawks dropped to 2-4 while Samford moves to 4-4.

Teams who signed recruits this week:

Appalachian State (1)
Eastern Kentucky (3)
Jacksonville State (2)
Samford (2)
Tennessee-Martin (1)

Week 8, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

-----

NFL Picks for Championship Weekend:

Saints at Bears: Saints, 27-17
Patriots at Colts: Colts, 24-21

Week 7, 2007: dshban's Opinion

Halfback passes for touchdowns? Only in Week 7

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- It's Week 7, which means we're at the halfway point of the season.

Oh, bugger, that means I've got to do the mid-season report after this.

Anywho, Week 7 had 5 ACC conference matchups on slate. Let's get to them.

First off, we had Murray State at Tennessee-Martin. This one was a bit of an upset, in my book. Tennessee-Martin, despite being 2-4, is a good team. And Murray State, being 1-5... was as every bit as good as their record indicated. But, the Racers won, 24-17! Shock! Matt Miranda, the freshman QB, passed for 240 yards and 3 touchdowns, including one to a middle linebacker for god knows why, while the major player for Tennessee-Martin was SS #42 who had a punt return touchdown. Well done then, Murray State.

Eastern Kentucky and SE Missouri State had a classic battle, going to triple overtime. Two touchdowns in overtime were via halfback passes - one for each team - but the one in the third overtime was the difference maker for the Colonels as they scored on their series and then intercepted the Redhawks on SEMO's, as EKU won, 44-38. 3 total touchdowns for HB #35 - he might have had one passing, one rushing AND one receiving!

Jacksonville State got manhandled by the Golden Eagles of Tennessee Tech, 36-17. QB #3 of TTU had a great game, going 29 of 38 for 225 yards and 4 touchdowns, while HB #21 of JSU had 13 carries for 58 yards and a touchdown. So Soonerfan09 is doing something with Tennessee Tech that Lamar Williams and Madcat couldn't do - win!

Tennessee State won their fifth game on the trot, defeating Appalachian State 32-7. LOLB #38 from the Mountaineers had 11 tackles, 4 tackles for a loss and 2 sacks, while J. Butler of the Tigers had 8 receptions for 122 yards and 2 touchdowns. 21 points in the second quarter did it for TSU as they moved to 5-1 overall, and 4-0 in conference.

And finally, Samford had a close call with Eastern Illinois, but came out on top, 17-15. It took a stellar performance from WR #80 to give the Bulldogs the win - #80 had 13 receptions for 243 yards and a touchdown, while S. Olson of the Panthers had one tackle, one TFL, and an interception returned for a touchdown. But it wasn't enough as EIU fell to 1-5.

Lots of recruits were signed too. Well done, those teams.

Week 7, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 6, 2007: dshban's Opinion

Everyone plays in Week 6

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- It's Week 6, which means we're in that part of the season where every team is playing.

Great. More for me to write...

Jacksonville State travelled to Samford to face the Bulldogs, and, well, crushed them. 34-7 was the final, as QB #10 for the Gamecocks went 28 of 37 for 246 yards, with 10 carries for 61 yards, and 2 total touchdowns. Very nice. C. Morris of the Bulldogs had 14 tackles and a tackle for a loss, but it wasn't enough as Samford fell to 2-4 while Jacksonville State moves to 3-3.

Murray State travelled to SE Missouri State to face the Redhawks, and, well, got crushed themselves. A tad different to the previous game. QB #10 for SEMO went 20 of 39 for 258 yards, with 2 carries and 3 total touchdowns. Congratulations, you're the best QB #10 on your team. E. Smith of the Racers had 10 tackles, 3 tackles for a loss and a sack, but it wasn't enough as Murray State fell to 1-5 while SE Missouri State moves to 2-2.

OK, I'll be honest, I basically copied and pasted there and just filled in the team names and stats. I'll change things up now.

Falling to 2-4 was Furman, after their loss to 3-2 Notre Dame. The Paladins lost 45-7, with B. Parker being their best player with 8 tackles, 2 TFL and a sack. But the Domers' QB D. Wolke went 15 of 23 for 184 yards, with 4 carries for 10 yards and 4 total touchdowns. The Fighting Irish scored 32 unanswered points in the first half in their win.

ACC conference leaders Eastern Kentucky lost this week - although it wasn't in conference, so it's not like it matters. They lost 28-21 to Florida International, fortunately without brawling with the Golden Panthers. Jason Hartman of the Colonels had 7 tackles, 3 tackles for a loss, a sack, an interception, a forced fumble and a touchdown (and... breathe) in EKU's loss. It was an ACC Defensive Player of the Week-worthy performance. The Colonels fall to 3-2, but they're still undefeated in conference play so who gives a damn.

Wofford lost. What a surprise. It was a 38-13 beating at the hands of Tennessee-Martin, this time. 163 yards and 1 touchdown on the ground for halfback Michael Jackson of the Skyhawks, while the Terriers' HB #20 had 109 yards and a touchdown on the ground himself. But UTM scored 21 points in the fourth quarter in their win.

Appalachian State narrowly lost to Tennessee Tech, 17-20. It was a close one, as you can see. The Golden Eagles had the lead and the ball with 30 seconds left, but chose to run it with the fullback (OH NOEZZ!!1!) and, surprise surprise, fumbled. That gave the Mountaineers a chance... but as always, the QB made a dumb decision, passed short, and time ran out. Bah.

And finally, Tennessee State moved to 4-1 overall and 3-0 in conference (the best record in the ACC) with a hardfought 28-23 win over Eastern Illinois. Again, this game came down to the wire, but the Tigers pulled it out behind J. Reid's 5 tackle, 1 TFL, 2 interception, 1 touchdown effort at... cornerback, I presume.

The win gave Tennessee State two recruits - a 4-star QB named Vernon Gatewood, who has something like A- awareness, A+ throwing power and A accuracy. Very nice. He runs a 4.95 forty, though. Which isn't so great. They also signed a 4-star guard named something Mayhew. Something isn't his name, I just don't know it.

And, surprisingly, Samford - Samford?!? - yes, Samford, signed 3 recruits this week. Whatever, dude. A 4-star DT, a 4-star DE, and a 4 or 3-star FS. Well done.

Week 6, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 5, 2007: dshban's Opinion

5 ACC conference games in Week 5

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- Ooh, I forgot to announce something.

I, dshban, royally decree (yes, I'm royalty. Of course I am. What makes you think I'm not) the first annual Elvis Cup! (Sponsored by Dixie.) It will be much like the academies' Commander-in-Chief trophy, with Tennessee State, Tennessee Tech and Tennessee-Martin fighting for the cup. The team which beats both of their opponents, or, the best overall record etc (tiebreakers - boring), wins it.

Well, Tennessee State got a leg up in the race this week, with a 27-24 win over Tennessee-Martin. Of course, I'm sure TechVick is happier about his team being first in the Coastal division, but this is pretty good too. Michael Jackson's 180 total yards and 1 touchdown for the Skyhawks wasn't enough, as QB #4 for the Tigers went 25 of 40 for 233 yards, with 3 total touchdowns.

The other competitor in this event, Tennessee Tech, thrashed Eastern Illinois, 31-3, for their second win of the year. The Golden Eagles got a 3 touchdown performance out of QB #3, while MLB #41 for EIU tried to help with 6 tackles, 4 tackles for a loss and 2 sacks, but it was pointless. Utterly pointless. Hopeless. Whatever.

Murray State got their first win of the year in an upset win over Furman. The Racers defeated the Paladins, 28-27, after a passing touchdown with just under a minute to go. Or, I presume that's what happened. I don't actually know, but that would make things more dramatic. Freshman quarterback Matt Miranda completed 19 of 40 passes (ouch), but for 358 yards and 2 touchdowns (ahhhhh, in a good way).

Wofford almost won. I stress almost. They led 14-0 at one point, but allowed 21 points in the final quarter - including 2 touchdowns in the final minute - in a 28-21 loss to Jacksonville State. The Gamecocks had frosh wide recevier Gnarles Barkley (I think I'm CRAAAAAAZZZAAAYYYYY!) score 3 times, including a kick return touchdown - of which JSU had two, the other by HB #21.

In a hotly contested and videoed matchup, Eastern Kentucky kept their ACC conference undefeated streak alive (11 straight) with a 21-14 win over Samford. The Colonels got a touchdown in the fourth quarter and converted the 2 point attempt for the final margin. C. Mooney had 5 tackles, a TFL, a sack, an interception, and a forced fumble.

And in the only non-conference matchup for an ACC team this week, Appalachian State narrowly lost to Duke, 27-24, proving once and for all that Duke fucking sucks. LOLB #38 from Appalachian had 9 tackles, a TFL, an interception and a touchdown (which I presume were related). He was hot, hot hot, but the Mountaineers were not, not, not.

One consolation for Appalachian State is that they signed two recruits this week. A 5-star guard named Erik Carrie (#1 at his position), and a 3-star wide receiver named M. Coley. OK, his name isn't M, but I can't read his name in the picture I took. Also, the names might be changed, as you're allowed to do that. You didn't think I really recruited a guy named Gnarles Barkley, did you?

Week 5, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 4, 2007: dshban's Opinion

ACC pwns two OOC opponents in Week 4

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- So, how 'bout those out of conference games?

Not only did the two teams that lost OOC games last week come back and win this week, but two ACC teams won their own OOC games this week! Huzzah!

First of all, the greatest team in the history of mankind, San Jose State, travelled to Tennessee to face the Golden Eagles of Tennessee Tech. And somehow, despite the Spartans being the greatest team in the history of mankind, Tennessee Tech won, 23-13! HB #33 for the Golden Eagles had 106 yards and a touchdown rushing on just 11 carries, in the win.

And then, Tennessee State defeated that Sun Belt powerhouse, North Texas, 28-10! HB #22 for the Tigers had 3 receptions for 129 yards and 2 touchdowns, while also gaining 115 yards on the ground. And while TSU allowed 139 yards and a touchdown rushing from L. Wilson from NTU, they pulled out the victory. Out of conference.

Wonderful.

So after their compatriots in Tennessee football won, surely Tennessee-Martin could defeat South East Missouri State.

Nope!

SE Missouri State bounces back from an OOC loss last week to beat the Skyhawks, 24-10. Earl Ewing from SEMO was not only the ACC Defensive Player of the Week, but the NCAA Defensive Player of the Week too! He had 7 tackles, 2 tackles for a loss, 2 sacks, 2 forced fumbles and a fumble recovery. Very nice for the true frosh. HB #24 from UTM contributed with 148 yards and a touchdown rushing, but it wasn't meant to be as the Redhawks came out on top.

And last week, Appalachian State lost to Tulane. So of course, this week they'd come back this week and beat Furman! (What?) 19-12 was the final, with HB #42 from the Mountaineers having 4 receptions for 117 yards and a touchdown, along with 47 yards rushing. And while ROLB #45 from the Paladins tried to keep his team in it, with 8 tackles, 2 TFL, a sack and a forced fumbles, they couldn't do it as Appalachian got their first win in, what, 10 games? Very nice work there.

Back to conference play where Eastern Illinois lost to Eastern Kentucky, 24-17. So the Colonels move back to the top of the Atlantic division standings. 3 interceptions for D. Malone from EKU, while J. Jackson from EIU had 5 tackles, 3 TFL, a sack, 2 INT's and a touchdown.

Jacksonville State 3, Colorado 66. That's enough of that.

Wofford 17, UL Lafayette 45. Again, that's enough of that.

And finally, Samford beat down Murray State, 34-10. 223 yards passing, 50 yards rushing and 4 total touchdowns for Samford's QB #12, while DT #70 from MSU had 9 tackles, 8 TFL, 4 sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. But they still allowed 34 points. *shrugs*

Week 4, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 3, 2007: dshban's Opinion

ACC conference play begins in Week 3

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA -- After last week's piss poor showing out-of-conference, we'd see if the ACC was really that bad.

Well, not really, now they're just playing each other.

But this week had 5 conference matchups, and two games with ACC teams playing OOC opponents. Let's tackle those games first.

Appalachian State 7, Tulane 17. Syracuse 56, SE Missouri State 31. That's enough of that.

The first ACC conference game was Tennessee-Martin at Samford. The Skyhawks were expected to win, by me at least. They won out of conference last week, they had the best recruiting class last off-season...

Samford 31, Tennessee-Martin 28.

What?

Behind a 12 reception, 169 yard, 2 touchdown performance by WR #80, Samford upset Tennessee-Martin, 31-28. Michael Jackson from the Skyhawks ran well, gaining 181 yards and a touchdown on the ground, while also catching 3 balls for 35 yards and a touchdown, but Samford still won. Why?

Who the fuck knows, I didn't watch the game. It was probably the inexperienced UTM secondary, or something.

Second, we had Wofford travel to... oh, it's Wofford, never mind. They lost.

But wait, I hear you say, that's not nice! Well, yeah. I was kidding. They played Tennessee State, and lost 42-10. See what I was trying to avoid? It's like a car wreck - everyone just wants to look. Freshman quarterback Jeremy Bowling played well for the Terriers, I must say, passing for 137 yards (and 1 touchdown) and rushing for 77 more. But QB #8 of the Tigers outshone him, passing for 249 yards (and 4 touchdowns) and rushing for 111 more. There's your defining stat, right there.

Jacksonville State faced Eastern Illinois, and in a mild upset, the Panthers beat down the Gamecocks 33-10. The beatdown was more of a surprise than the win itself, I must say. 350 yards passing and 3 touchdowns for QB #12 from EIU, while Jacksonville State's ROLB #43 had 10 tackles and a tackle for a loss. But the 'Cocks could only manage 10 points, and usually that won't get you a win.

In the first of the two videoed games, Eastern Kentucky travelled to Murray State for a rivalry, of sorts. It was 36-21, and closer than the score indicated. The Racers were in it for most of the game, but allowed two kick return touchdowns by EKU, which pretty much screwed them.

And finally, two of my most vocal coaches clashed as Furman and joshuahuskers took on Tennessee Tech and Thompson. It was close, but the Paladins came out on top, 17-14. Martin Nolen, a freshman receiver for the Golden Eagles, accounted for all of his teams' points with 5 receptions for 139 yards and 2 touchdowns, but a balanced effort from Furman gave them the win.

Week 3, 2007 Video courtesy of YouTube: