Crappy Gaming Webcomic Roulette: No. 1

Hooray! A new blog feature where I just upload an image and not say much! Hooray for laziness!

This is why I like the AFL

This is a bit old, but still great.



I don't see Dwayne Wade doing that and getting back up.

Week 5, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 5, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Lloyd Carr wants me to play for Michigan

Lloyd Carr, coach of the Michigan Wolverines football team, recently travelled to Australia to watch some crappy rugby team. Who cares about that. The important thing was something he said...

One of my goals is to get an Australian kid to Michigan. I will tell you this, there is no doubt there are a few kids here who could play American football.

Lloyd. Call me.

Week 4, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 4, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Super Mario Bros. songs played on Guitar Hero 2

Who doesn't love Guitar Hero? And who doesn't love Super Mario Brothers? And when you mix the two together?

Well, it's something I couldn't do. I'm still on Medium. I suck.

April Absurdity: Day 10 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 10:

#11 Michigan State at #6 UCLA
#14 Army at #3 Georgia
#10 Southern Methodist at #7 Kansas
#15 Appalachian State at #2 Brigham Young

It's little brother vs little brother as the little brother of Michigan, Michigan State, takes on the little brother of USC, UCLA. (My apologies to the fans of those teams. Well, not the Sparty fans.) The Army will battle between the hedges of Gawja, while Southern Methodist will take on Kansas. No special comments there. And then last season's I-AA champions, Appalachian State, will face unlikely #2 seed Brigham Young. Why is BYU #2? They finished 16th in the rankings I used. :shrugs:

Bill Simmons, dead at however old he is

The Celtics get the #5 pick in the NBA Draft.

I sent an email to Simmons when I found out:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I can't wait to see what he writes on E!SPN tomorrow.

Oh, and visit Awful Announcing. I'm trying to get added to their 'Friends of AA" list, so I'm posting a link to them too. It, along with Kissing Suzy Kolber, are the only blogs I read every day.

April Absurdity: Day 9 Results

#11 Akron at #6 San Jose State:
Akron, 27-10

When I said San Jose State was the greatest team ever, that was an in joke for a forum I go on (Utopia). I didn't really think that. Which is why I wasn't surprised when Akron beat the Spartans, 27-10, to advance to the second round of April Absurdity. (Yes, I realise it's now May and this probably won't get finished until June.) Akron quarterback Luke Getsy, an impact quarterback who transferred from Pittsburgh, had 2 touchdown passes while 2 field goals and a 49 yard interception return touchdown by defensive end Kevin Grant helped the Zips pick up the victory.

Akron:
Luke Getsy: 15-29-271, 2 TD, 2 INT
Jabari Arthur, WR: 6-129, TD
Kevin Grant, RE: 2 TKL, TFL, INT, FR, TD

San Jose State:
Adam Tafralis: 11-25-190, TD, 3 INT
Chester Coleman, WR: 2-84, TD
Freddy McCutcheon, DT: 2 TKL, 2 TFL, 2 SK, FR

#14 Memphis at #3 Texas Christian:
Memphis, 42-31

My exact reaction when I saw this scoreline: "Wait, WHAT?" 14th seeded Memphis upsets 3rd seeded Texas Christian, 42-31, giving them a big victory and meaning they'll face the winner of Ohio/Indiana in the second round of April Absurdity. Quarterback Martin Hankins passed for 401 yards and 5 touchdowns, with his primary target being Ryan Scott, who caught 11 balls for 213 yards and 2 touchdowns. Maurice Jones also had 175 yards receiving and 2 touchdowns, while a 48 yard interception return touchdown by defensive end Rubio Phillips was the nail in TCU's coffin, giving Memphis the victory.

Memphis:
Martin Hankins: 17-27-401, 5 TD, INT
Ryan Scott, WR: 11-213, 2 TD
Rubio Phillips, RE: TKL, TFL, INT, TD

Texas Christian:
Jeff Ballard: 10-15-242, 2 TD, INT
Quentily Harmon, WR: 3-89, TD rec, 1-38, TD rush
Brian Bonner, SS: 5 TKL, TFL, INT

#10 Northwestern at #7 Tulsa:
Northwestern, 24-6

As predicted by me, the Big Ten's Northwestern defeated C-USA foe Tulsa, 24-6, in the first round of April Absurdity. The Wildcats scored 24 points to lead off the game, including two touchdown passes and a 38 yard interception return touchdown by OLB Nick Roach, while Tulsa could only score with 1:47 left in the game on a 57 yard pass. The two point conversion failed, and Northwestern was victorious, 24-6.

Northwestern:
C.J. Bacher: 16-23-295, 2 TD, INT
Ross Lane, WR: 4-109, TD
Nick Roach, OLB: INT, TD

Tulsa:
Paul Smith: 13-29-151, TD, 3 INT
Jesse Myer, WR: 3-68, TD
Nick Bunting, OLB: 6 TKL, 3 TFL, SK

#15 Temple at #2 Oklahoma:
Oklahoma, 20-7

Really, Oklahoma, if I were you I'd be ashamed. Not only do you only score 20 points. Not only do you allow a touchdown - but you let Rhett Bomar play? What the hell?

Temple:
Joe DeZano: 7-23-93, TD, INT
Bruce Francis, WR: 2-28, TD
Evan Cooper Jr., CB: 4 TKL, FF

Oklahoma:
Rhett Bomar: 6-8-83, TD, INT
Paul Thompson, WR: 3-49, TD (hahaha. The real starting QB is the top WR.)
Calvin Thibodeaux, RE: 6 TKL, 2 TFL, 2 SK, FF, FR

Judgment Day Predictions Recap

One of the most predictable Pay Per Views in recent memory, and I get two matches wrong. I don't really have a future in fortune telling, it seems. But what I'm going to do from this point is add up how many predictions at WWE Pay Per Views I get right.

Max's Predictions:
Judgment Day, 2007: 5/7 (71%)

Running Total: 5/7 (71%)

Week 3, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 3, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Max's Judgment Day Preview

I thought Judgment was spelt Judgement. Oh well. Onwards to the Pay Per View Preview! Payperpreview! Payview! Show.

We enter Judgment Day at a bit of a down spot for the WWE. Not only are Mr. Kennedy and the Undertaker injured, but Shawn Michaels is apparently injured now! Although he'll still work at Judgment Day. And then we have the actual Judgment Day card - it's looking great at some points (Benoit/MVP) while also ranging from bad (Edge/Batista) to really bad (Lashley vs the McMahons and Umaga) to so bad it could be good (Khali/Cena). I'm not going to go into details about how the WWE is going downhill or something, because it's not all their fault, but things definitely could be better.

But let's move on to the preview now. 7 matches, and I'll run them down from bottom of the list on WWE to the top. Actually, wait. Two things, first:

1) Why is Kane the main focus on the WWE.com Judgment Day site? I'm guessing him and the Boogeyman are going to be added at the last minute taking on That 50's Team or something.

2) There's a little section, again on the Judgment Day mini-site, mentioning the history of Judgment Day - and it mentions "Rey Mysterio's underdog World Championship defense against JBL." Don't get me (or anyone else on this blog, surely) about how that title reign sucked.

But now let's actually begin it, after three times of trying to do so.

Actually, no. This isn't joking, I actually just thought of something. Are they going to add a women's title match to this card? Melina vs Candice, maybe? We'll see. NOW let us finally begin.

Carlito vs Ric Flair

Not much to say about this one. Flair will win, because at the end of this feud Carlito will go over, as Flair has done throughout his career (put younger talent over). That's what he does. I'm sure this won't be a particularly good match, but I'm at least confident on the result.

Here is your winner, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton

HBK vs RKO. Abbreviation vs abbreviation. This match is taking place for the simple fact that both of these guys need to be on the pay per view. No feud, no backstory, just wrestling. Or rest holds, in Orton's case. The supposed injury to Michaels puts a bit of a spanner in the works of my original prediction (Michaels over). They might let Randy win just because Shawn's gonna be out for a little bit. But, I don't think they will.

Here is your winner, Shawn "Praise Jesus" Michaels

Elijah Burke vs CM Punk

Ah, now this'll be a good match. If the WWE actually gives these guys the time they deserve - say, 20 minutes - they could put on a 4-star match. Oh, wait, no star ratings. OK then, they could put on a damn good match. But, they'll probably end up with a 10 minute slot. Which makes this a lot like the Benoit/MVP match at WrestleMania 23. I hope this is that good. Right, now to picking a winner. Hmm... I think Punk'll go over in this feud, which I don't think will end at this PPV, so...

Here is your winner, the Elijah Experience

Chris Benoit (c) vs Montel Vontavious Porter
United States Championship
2 out of 3 falls match

Now THIS is gonna be great. By default, any match with Chris Benoit is great. Then you add MVP, who's improving every day. Then you make it 2 out of 3 falls?!? Holy shit, I'm excited for this. I'm going to downlo- I mean, acquire this PPV just because of this match. And maybe the comedy of live Khali. But I look for this to be great. It was set up well on Smackdown when Benoit beat MVP without using one of his finishers (he used a roll-up), showing how this match won't require Crossfaces and Playmakers to get the job done. Benoit retained at WM, and I think MVP is ready for a belt, so...

Here is your winner, as Bill Parcells would say, the guy who is supposed to be like "The Player"

Bobby Lashley vs Mr. McMahon (c), Shane McMahon and Umaga
ECW Championship

Is it just me, or has Vincent become more black than Lindsay over the past few weeks? Honestly, when we had the Coach, Lindsay and Vincent in the ring on Raw this past week, Vincent was the blackest person there. He really is quite an entertaining character, even if I'm a bit sick of him. But to the match, and I think it's pretty obvious who is going to win. Lindsay will pin Vincent, as long as he hasn't been doing drugs or trashed a hotel room that we haven't heard about. As far as I know, Vincent still loves Lindsay, so he'll regain the title. And then probably face Snitsky. Oh, I can't wait for that.

Here is your winner, and NEW ECW Champion, Bobby Lindsay

Edge (c) vs Batista
World Heavyweight Championship

First of all, I've got to talk about the Judgment Day site preview of this match. "As first reported by WWE Mobile Alerts," they write. OMG! Mobile alerts! Readers, if you are subscribed to this service, please tell me so I can come to your house and slap you across the face. Secondly, this: "Speculation within the SmackDown locker room holds that Long was purely incensed by the calculative, vulture-like manner in which Edge won the gold in Pittsburgh." Insert laughter here. Speculation within the locker room? Vulture-like manner? You're killing me, WWE. Alright, the match. Batista shouldn't even be getting a title shot - he lost to 'Taker three times. One would think he's used up his rematch clause. And it would be a complete insult to Money in the Bank if Edge loses the title so quickly. So...

Here is your winner, ON THIS DAY, I SEE CLEARLY

John Cena (c) vs the Great Khali
WWE Championship

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this match. Do I cheer Cena? Do I cheer Khali? Wait, I know what I'm cheering for. I'm cheering for botches. I'm cheering for screw-ups. I'm cheering for Khali to injure Cena. I'm cheering for everything to go completely wrong. I'm actually looking forward to this match, for the simple fact that it's going to be so bad. When John Cena's caryring a match which has no stipulations (Cena/Umaga at the Rumble was pretty good), you know you've got a problem. I don't know if Cena's going to win, but I just can't see Khali with the belt. I mean, who'd win it back off him? Cena? That'd be pointless. So...

Here is your winner, WRRRRAAAPPPAAADDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Week 2, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 2, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

Week 1, 2011: Dynasty Video

Week 1, 2011 video courtesy of YouTube:

MESHARK Replies!

MESHARK JOHNSON has replied! He opens with...

Dear dshban,
Thank you very much for your reasoning, concern and response.I believe you are the right person to transact with,considering the little i have seen from you.I proposed to you,not only for our mutual benefit but also for a long and everlasting relationship to exist between you and i,and between our children and related ones,through this venture.

OK... he thinks I'm the right person to transact with? Did he read my reply? And the second part really scares me:

I proposed to you,not only for our mutual benefit but also for a long and everlasting relationship to exist between you and i,and between our children and related ones,through this venture.

What the hell? I don't want to marry him!

MESHARK continues...

Well, iam a man of my early 50's,married to Mrs.Safi Johnson,of the "National Aviation Authorities"Kwame,here in my country,with (2)children,Ali Johnsonand Ahmed Johnson,who are both in the University in their Finals.I believe that one day,at the conclusion of transaction,we will come to see each other,when i will come over to your country for further investment and otherwise.It should be noted that for the success of this transaction,absolute secrecy should be maintained expecially from your side,

That sounds nice. Wait, he's coming over here?!? AAAAHHHH NO

Because i do not want anybody to implicate me in the course of realising my objective,as iam still serving now and intend to resign immediately at the end of this transaction,okay?It should be noted also that any information relating to this transaction,must not be relayed to anybody at all,not even the Banking officials,for security reasons,okay?.Iam giving you all this instructions because i work in the Bank too.I do not want any form of interrogation from yourside,which may disrupt the transfer of this Fund,okay?.

Oh no, we wouldn't want to say anything about this, would we? That could be dangerous.

He goes on, until he asks me some questions:

1.your age
2.your marital status
3.your occupation
4.if you are ready to keep the transaction as top secret as i do not want it to jeopadise or have my reputable immage dented
5.your financial capability
6.your credibility and reliability as to avoid betrayal from you or seating on my share when the funds finaly hits your bank account
7.that all my instructions as an insider and as the initiator of the transaction would be taking for the betterment of a hitch transfer and also include your private telephone and fax number and endevoure to call me with the above indicated private telephone line as indicated above.

Oh no, we wouldn't want to ruin his 'reputable immage', now would we?

Your immediate response shall be most appreciated as the urgency of the transfer implies for we don't have enough time again to excute this transaction and also don't fail to call me for more explanation.
I await your urgent call.

your humble partner.
MESHARK JOHNSON

So I responded to MESHARK's email...

Fuck yeah, nigga! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! You got yo ho Mrs. Johnson. Word. My ho's all up in my face, like, "DSHBAN, WHEN YOU GONNA GO GET YOURSELF A JOB." And I'm like, "SHUT UP, HO, IM TRYING TO PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT!" Fuck those hos, man.

And yo, meshark-nizzle, how'd you get that kickass name! MESHARK. Fo' shizzle.

My details, izzle:

1. 69 years of age and still pimpin'
2. I got 5 hos
3. Pimp
4. Yo, nigga, we gotta keep this top secret? Cant I like go and tell my ho 'bout it?
5. I make 5 Gs a night on the streets, man
6. You sayin' I gonna betray you? Nigga, Im gonna go pop a cap in yo ass if you gonna imply im gonna backstab you! I aint no Dreamz!
7. I call you when I get a phone, man

Just tell me what a nigga gotta do to get his hands on the Benjamins!

dshban IN DA HIZZIE

I feel my representation of black people is quite accurate.

And now we wait...

MESHARK JOHNSON Update

I just got another email from MESHARK. Hooray, I thought! Let's take a look...

It's the same email he sent me a week ago. The introduction one.

I'll reply to him with the same response, then. What do they think I am, stupid?

...Wow. Just, wow.

Who are these people?

We are the Diamonds!

Wow, that's a gay name. Where the hell would they be from?

We come from Glasgow!

...Scotland?

Football's our game!

...Bloody hell.

April Absurdity: Day 9 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 9:

#11 Akron at #6 San Jose State
#14 Memphis at #3 Texas Christian
#10 Northwestern at #7 Tulsa
#15 Temple at #2 Oklahoma

The greatest team in the world, San Jose State, is sure of victory as they face Akron. TCU tries to defeat a C-USA team in Memphis. Northwestern will probably pull off a mild upset in Tulsa, while elsewhere in Oklahoma the Sooners look to (and probably will) beat down Temple.

April Absurdity: Day 8 Results

#9 Northern Illinois at #8 Louisiana-Lafayette:
Northern Illinois, 24-21

Halfback Garrett Wolfe led the charge with 78 yards and a touchdown rushing as Northern Illinois defeated Louisiana-Lafayette, 24-21. NIU led 14-0 early with two passing touchdowns, but ULL came right back in the third with two passing TDs of their own. The Huskies kicked a 45 yard field goal with 14 seconds left in the 3rd to take the lead back, but a 41 yard passing touchdown early in the fourth quarter for the Ragin' Cajuns gave them a 21-17 lead. Wolfe then gave the Huskies the lead back with a go-ahead 5 yard touchdown run with 3:21 left in the ball game. NIU had a chance to extend their lead with a field goal, unfortunately for them though, it missed. But, an interception with 29 seconds left sealed the victory for #9 Northern Illinois as they defeated #8 Louisiana-Lafayette, 24-21 in the first round of April Absurdity.

Northern Illinois:
Phil Horvath: 14-22-200, 2 TD, INT
Britt Davis, WR: 6-110
Mark Reiter, SS: 4 TKL, INT, FF

Louisiana-Lafayette:
Jerry Babb: 10-22-219, 3 TD, 2 INT
Derrick Smith, WR: 6-167, 3 TD
Brenton Burkhalter, MLB: 5 TKL, TFL, FF

#12 Central Florida at #5 Utah:
Utah, 30-27 (OT)

Utah backup quarterback Brett Ratliff completed one pass today - but it was a damn important one. The 25 yard touchdown pass in the first overtime gave 5th seeded Utah a first round victory over 12th seeded Central Florida, in overtime, 30-27. Brian Johnson, starting quarterback of the Utes was injured on a Hail Mary attempt as time expired in the fourth quarter, meaning Ratliff would have to lead Utah in overtime. But he was obviously successful, so big deal that was (sarcasm). UCF got a 46 yard interception return touchdown to take a 7-3 lead at the beginning of the second quarter, after which the teams traded points until a 17 yard touchdown pass by Central Florida with 56 seconds left in the game sent us to OOOOOOOVVERRTTIIIIIIIMMME. UCF settled for a 19 yard field goal on their possession, after which Utah scored on a 25 yard pass on their first play to get the win, 30-27.

Central Florida:
Steven Moffett: 20-28-339, 2 TD
Mike Walker, WR: 3-137, TD
Joe Burnett, CB: 4 TKL, INT, TD

Utah:
Brian Johnson: 27-37-413, 3 TD, 2 INT
Marquis Wilson, WR: 8-91, 3 TD
Martail Burnett, DE: 3 TKL, 3 TFL, 2 SK, FF

#13 Mississippi State at #4 Central Michigan:
Mississippi State, 16-7

This is kind of an upset. Let's say why it is an upset, first. Mississippi State is seeded 13th, so wasn't expected to win, of course. Then again, Central Michigan is a) a MAC team (while Miss. State, while crap, is still an SEC team) and b) lower rated than Miss. State. So it's not really an upset. CMU led first with a 62 yard touchdown pass just a minute into the game, but the Bulldogs scored 16 unanswered points (3 field goals, one 71 yard TD pass) to win in the first round of April Absurdity, 16-7.

Mississippi State:
Michael Henig: 10-21-194, TD, INT
Omarr Conner, WR: 6-198, TD
Jeramie Johnson, FS: 4 TKL, INT

Central Michigan:
Brian Brunner: 11-21-153, TD
Damian Linson, WR: 5-114, TD
Thomas Keith, MLB: 6 TKL, 3 TFL

#16 Southern Illinois at #1 Boise State:
Boise State, 42-6

No surprises here as #1 Boise State wins on the blue turf, 42-6, meaning every #1 seed won their first round matchup. Not that anyone expected any different. Jared Zabransky threw for 5 touchdowns in the win.

...there's nothing else to say about this.

Southern Illinois:
QB #12: 6-13-137, INT
HB #24: 18-48
SS #5: 4 TKL, INT

Boise State:
Jared Zabransky: 16-23-283, 5 TD, INT
Jerard Rabb, WR: 7-102, 2 TD
Korey Hall, MLB: 4 TKL, TFL, INT

and... NEW!!! WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...

Edge won the World Heavyweight Title on Smackdown this week after cashing in his Money in the Bank (which he won from Mr. Kennedy on Raw), and here's video from someone who was at the SD tapings.

I marked out huge for Edge winning.

ON THIS DAY

I SEE CLEARLY

FROM THE DESK OF MESHARK JOHNSON

Yeah, I know this has been done before. But I want to respond to a Nigerian Bank Scam of my own.

Well, to be specific, it's a Burkinabe Bank Scam. I believe that's the term for someone from Burkina Faso. Take a look at an email I just received:

Dear Sir,

I am the AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of US$25m dollars (TWENTY FIVE MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account that belongs to one
of our foreign customer (MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from Munich, Germany) who died
along with his entire family in Jully 2000 in a plane crash.

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT THIS SITE BELLOW
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after Ten years, the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged,you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name,your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where in the money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the
application .

I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours Faithfully,
MESHARK JOHNSON(B.O.A)

What a sad, sad story. I am greatly saddened by the death of MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from Germany, which occured in Jully (sp), 2000. (Note: The link in the email is a real story; I congratulate them on doing their research).

I love the wording in this email. They have to give me (of all people the money),

since nobody is coming for it

That made me laugh.

I, as the smartest person in the universe, quickly realised this email was a scam. Why? The email address of Mr. MESHARK JOHNSON is a Hotmail Account. I somehow think the Bank of Africa could afford proper email addresses.

Of course, I had to respond to this. But how? Well, I decided the best course of action was to put on my pale-white-boy-being-a-stereotypical-black-person hat and see what I could do.

Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo yo!

Yo!

Wassup my brutha from anotha mutha! It's ya home boi, dshban in da HIZZZZIIIE!

I gotta get my hands on the dolla dollas, G! What's a brotha gotta do to be hooked up with the Benjamins?

Gimme the low down on what I gotta do, bro.

Peace out, nigga.

dshban

Sorry to all of the people I offended with that partly racist but all horrible impersonation.

Now I just wait and see what happens...

April Absurdity: Day 8 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 8:

#9 Northern Illinois at #8 Louisiana-Lafayette
#12 Central Florida at #5 Utah
#13 Mississippi State at #4 Central Michigan
#16 Southern Illinois at #1 Boise State

Garrett Wolfe and Northern Illinois of the MAC face off against Louisiana-Lafayette of the Sun Belt. #5 Utah attempts to show they've still got it as they play surprise C-USA team #12 Central Florida. Central Michigan tries to show us why they were ranked #4 as they face #13 Mississippi State of the SEC, while #1 Boise State begins their journey as they try to prove they should have been the National Champions as they play I-AA and #16 Southern Illinois. Gee, I wonder who'll win that.

April Absurdity: Day 7 Results

#9 Rice at #8 Iowa:
Rice, 24-9

I'm pretty sure this is the biggest 8/9 upset we could have had - 'A' rated Iowa being defeated by 'C+' rated Rice, at Iowa! The 9th seeded Owls defeated the 8th seeded Hawkeyes, 24-9, behind halfback Quinton Smith's 95 yards and 1 touchdown rushing effort. But the first two scores of the game were actually on defense - Iowa scored on a safety of all things to make it 2-0, but then Rice came back with a 44 yard INT return touchdown by OLB Carl Taylor. The teams then traded long passing touchdowns, with Rice scoring on a 65 yard pass and Iowa scoring on a 69 yarder, but a field goal by the Owls followed by a 1 yard TD plunge by the HB Smith with 50 seconds left in the third gave 9th seeded Rice the victory over 8th seeded Iowa, 24-9.

Rice:
Chase Clement: 3-5-114, TD
Quinton Smith, HB: 25-95, TD
Carl Taylor, OLB: 3 TKL, TFL, SK, INT, TD

Iowa:
Drew Tate: 12-22-225, TD, 2 INT
Calvin Davis, WR: 3-90, TD
Edmond Miles, OLB: 3 TKL, TFL, Safety

#12 Tulane at #5 Houston:
Tulane, 24-23

Another upset, as 12th seeded Tulane defeats 5th seeded Houston, 24-23! The Green Wave scored first, on an 80 yard touchdown pass from Lester Ricard to Davis, but Houston came right back as Kevin Kolb completed a 37 yarder to Avery for the score to tie it at 7. Tulane then got a 13 yard TD run by Forte. The teams traded field goals - one for Houston, one for Tulane, another for Houston, and the Green Wave leads 17-13. But then the Cougars get a 24 yard fumble return touchdown by Allen and then a 23 yard field goal to take a 23-17 lead! But, Tulane would come back. They got a break with Kevin Kolb, starting QB of the Cougars getting injured. And then, with 41 seconds left in the game, Ricard completes a 24 yard touchdown pass to Brown which gave the 12th seeded Green Wave the upset over 5th seeded Houston, 24-23.

Tulane:
Lester Ricard: 14-34-276, 2 TD, INT
Damarcus Davis, WR: 4-142, TD
Antonio Harris, LE: 4 TKL, 2 TFL, SK

Houston:
Kevin Kolb: 15-21-216, TD
Donnie Avery, WR: 8-133, TD
Trent Allen, MLB: 4 TKL, TFL, SK, FR, TD

#13 Connecticut at #4 Georgia Tech:
Georgia Tech, 35-10

A Johnson was the best receiver for 4th seeded Georgia Tech in their win over 13th seeded Connecticut, but it wasn't Calvin. James Johnson had 7 receptions for 95 yards and 2 touchdowns as the Yellow Jackets defeated UConn, 35-10. The game never looked in doubt, as QB Reggie Ball passed for three touchdowns and ran for one more in the Georgia Tech win.

Connecticut:
Matt Bonislawski: 13-25-178, INT
Brandon Young, WR: 6-92
Marvin Taylor, FS: 5 TKL, TFL, FF, FR

Georgia Tech:
Reggie Ball: 14-23-149, 4 total TD
James Johnson, WR: 7-95, 2 TD
Philip Wheeler, MLB: 3 TKL, TFL

#16 Youngstown State at #1 Southern California:
Southern California, 63-14

The highest scoring game of April Absurdity (yes, I know it's not April) occurs as top seeded USC defeats 16th seeded Youngstown State of I-AA, 63-14. No surprises there. John David Booty went 14 of 16 for 323 yards, with 7 touchdowns and 1 interception. Oh, and Mark Sanchez passed for a touchdown too.

Day-umn.

Steve Smith was the top receiver for USC, with 5 receptions for 134 yards and 4 touchdowns, while the Trojans also has an interception return for a touchdown by cornerback Kevin Thomas. So, basically, USC demolished a I-AA opponent. No surprises there WHATsoever.

Youngstown State:
QB #14: 11-17-159, 2 TD, 3 INT
HB #32: 2-75, TD (rec), 17-45 (rush)
MLB #45: 3 TKL, TFL, SK, FF

Southern California:
John David Booty: 14-16-323, 7 TD, INT
Steve Smith, WR: 5-134, 4 TD
Kevin Thomas, CB: 2 TKL, INT, TD

April Absurdity: Day 7 Schedule

Here is the schedule for Day 7:

#9 Rice at #8 Iowa
#12 Tulane at #5 Houston
#13 Connecticut at #4 Georgia Tech
#16 Youngstown State at #1 Southern California

April Absurdity: Day 6 Results

#12 Baylor at #5 Southern Mississippi:
Baylor, 21-14

The Daily Upset Special! 12th seeded Baylor gets two passing touchdowns from QB Shawn Bell along with a 2 yard TD run by HB Paul Mosley on route to a 21-14 victory over 5th seeded Southern Mississippi. USM had a 61 yard punt return by FS Jasper Faulk after Baylor's first TD (the run), but then Baylor scored passing touchdowns in the second and third quarters. Brett Favre's alma mater tried to come back, and scored on a 23 yard pass with 1:20 left in the game, but they couldn't stop Baylor as the Bears ran for a first down, ran out the clock and ran away with the game as 12th seeded Baylor defeated 5th seeded Southern Mississippi, 21-14.

Baylor:
Shawn Bell: 16-29-219, 2 TD, INT
Trent Shelton, WR: 6-92, TD
C.J. Wilson, CB: 3 TKL

Southern Mississippi:
Jeremy Young: 10-19-130, TD, INT
Josh Barnes, WR: 3-62
Jasper Faulk, FS: 5 TKL, PR TD

#13 Idaho at #4 Texas A&M:
Texas A&M, 28-17

13th seeded Idaho kept it close, but 4th seeded Texas A&M pulled away in the end to win, with the final score being 28-17. The Aggies scored first on a 7 yard touchdown pass, but Idaho then took the lead - a 93 yard pass from Wichman to Octave tied the game at 7, and then a 72 yard pass from Wichman to Heacock gave the Vandals the lead. But TAMU came right back with their own 72 yard touchdown pass to tie it at 14 just one play later, followed by a 1 yard touchdown pass at the beginning of the fourth quarter to take the lead back. Idaho would kick a field goal to make it 21-17, but Texas A&M would pass for a 45 yard touchdown with 53 seconds left as the fourth seeded Aggies defeated the 13th seeded Vandals, 28-17.

Idaho:
Steven Wichman: 17-30-364, 2 TD, 3 INT
Wendall Octave, WR: 7-145, TD
David Vobora, OLB: 5 TKL, TFL, SK

Texas A&M:
Ty Branyon: 8-16-195, 4 TD (McGee injured in 1st quarter)
Earvin Taylor, WR: 3-97, TD
Brock Newton, CB: 5 TKL, 2 INT

#16 Illinois State at #1 Wisconsin:
Wisconsin, 31-3

No surprises at Camp Randall as #1 seeded Wisconsin defeats 16th seeded Illinois State, 31-3. The Redbirds actually led, 3-0, at the start of the game following an interception, but the Badgers scored 31 unanswered points - including 3 touchdown passes by John Stocco - to pick up the victory.

Illinois State:
QB #17: 9-20-144, 2 INT
HB #5: 20-50
CB #26: 5 TKL, INT, FF

Wisconsin:
John Stocco: 16-23-322, 3 TD, 2 INT
Marcus Randle El, WR: 4-67, 2 TD
Joe Stellmacher, SS: 4 TKL, TFL, INT, FF

#9 Arizona at #8 Middle Tennessee State:
Arizona, 14-9

The smallest upset possible as 9th seeded Arizona (from the PAC-10) defeats 8th seeded Middle Tennessee State (from the Sun Belt), 14-9. I don't know why MTSU was an 8 seed. Both of the Wildcats' touchdowns dcame on runs by halfback Chris Henry - he had 76 and 8 yard TD runs. Middle Tennessee State kicked a field goal with 1:09 left in the third to make it 14-3, and then scored on a 76 yard TD pass with 48 seconds left in the game, but the two point conversion attempt failed as did the onside kick as Arizona won, 14-9.

Arizona:
Willie Tuitama: 7-13-69, INT
Chris Henry, HB: 13-118, 2 TD
Spencer Larson, OLB: 5 TKL, TFL, INT, FF

Middle Tennessee State:
Clint Marks: 12-26-177, TD, 2 INT
Taron Henry, WR: 3-91, TD
Brandon Perry, DT: 6 TKL, 3 TFL, SK, FF

The ever elusive... me!

Just got an iMac, so having some fun with the camera.

Not this. Anything but this.

Ladies and Gentlemen... the #1 contender to the WWE Championship stands at 7'3", and weighs in at 420 pounds. He hails from the Punjabi jungles of India... and is the worst wrestler ever. He is...

HORRIBLE!

No, no, no, no! Anything but this! Please! Raw this week started off great - Orton vs Edge was a heck of a match, and Umaga vs RVD wasn't half bad. But then the finish... are we sure Vince Russo didn't secretly resign with the WWE? We're not going to have a Punjabi Prison on a Pole match, right?

Shawn Michaels is laid out in the back. John Cena is found at the scene of the crime. Along with Val Venis, though, so it's not like that means anything. We suspect Edge. Then, later, we see Edge has been attacked as well. Thoughts come running through my head - is he faking? Was it Orton? Well, it wasn't Orton, because HE was then attacked in the back. Who would do such a thing?

WRRRAAAPPPPAAADDDOOOOOO, and THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! Mr. John Cena. He gets on the mic and tells the attacker to, "COME GET SOME!" Who's going to come out and challenge him? Who was the culprit?? How many more question marks can I use?!?!?

(Insert Indian Music here.)

And the hearts of the millions of WWE fans sink as the Great Khali comes out. He beats up Cena (a mild cheer from the IWC), but the Champ fights back. He gets Khali up for the FU- wait a minute. He gets Khali up for the FU?

There goes the WWE ruining the only - the ONLY - interesting thing about this possible match. Cena is the new Hogan, according to Vincent Kennedy McMahon, we all know that. Meanwhile, Khali is big. Who else is big? Lexington Steele. I don't mean in that department, self. Big Show. He's injured and semi-retired. Big John Studd. Dead. Who's Big John Studd? ...wait, you just named him. I was just putting words together. Oh. Right.

No, of course, I'm talking about Andre the Giant. Ohhhhhhhh! Shut up. What happened at Wrestlemania 3? King Kong Bundy beating up midgets? No, apart from that. What I am referring to, of course, is Hulk Hogan slamming Andre. Rumors were all over the web about Wrestlemania 23 and the possibility of this being done as a 20th anniversary kind of thing, with Hogan coming back to slam the Great Khali, but of course Hogan is an idiot so nothing happened there.

But, I'm sure Vincent still wants to commemorate that moment. Thus, we get the new Hogan against the new Andre. Make a bit of sense, it does. But then they go and spoil this moment that they could have done at a Pay Per View by wasting it on Raw! What the hell?!?

I can see what Vincent is trying to do here, though. He's not deaf - he hears the chants. Whole arenas booing his supposedly super-face WWE Champion John Cena is not what Vincent wants. Thus, he sends someone that people are going to boo more than they boo Cena. It does make a bit of sense, but honestly. No-one is booing Khali because he is a heel. People boo Khali because he is one of the worst wrestlers in the history of wrestling. Being tall does not make you a good wrestler! Height does not equal ability, Vince! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Please, Vince. I'd rather see you with the title than Khali. Oh, wait, you already have the title. Silly me.